User talk:JtJdolphin/sandbox

Hi, I like the edits you are adding. I think that you can paraphrase the direct quotes that your have added to avoid plagiarism. I think that your edits can be rewritten in a neutral tone by changing statements of, we, to something more specific. For example, when the studies were conducted in the United States you can specify that to make your edits clear and easy to read. Other than that your research is looking good. Yaneth.R (talk) 05:07, 5 May 2021 (UTC)

Comments
Nice start, Jake. You have a lot of interesting materials here, but it is definitely in the format of an essay and not an encyclopedia entry. You will need to boil this down substantially to just the most salient and provable bits based on the research. Language such as your opening line, while seemingly agreeable enough, is not to the point enough. You do not offer a source for things until the second paragraph. Offer evidence for everything. If all of this is coming from that source, begin with the source and the nature of the study. What you have here could easily be distilled down to a small paragraph that outlines the three A's and their effects. Be sure to use the Wikipedia format for citations througout. --Jbdolphin (talk) 06:40, 14 May 2021 (UTC)