User talk:Jtlee0/sandbox

Peer Review by Bori

So far it looks like a great start! My main edits were style, with some grammar or punctuation corrections, and a bit of informational suggestions. My edits are in italics, and in some places I deleted certain phrases, so definitely compare it to what you have in your sandbox.

One overall comment would be that what you have written so far are mainly statistics on past and future risks of stronger typhoons due to changing climate, and so it's a bit data-heavy. But I guess you'll be including more about the specific risks and vulnerabilities in the sections further down, so I think it will be fine! But I would change the title of that section to Impacts on different sectors, or Vulnerabilities of Different Sectors. And I would also change this title: Global warming, Increased frequency and severity of extreme weather events (natural hazards, extreme rainfall, etc), sea level rise

to something much simpler.

I glanced at the introduction of the current Wikipedia article and I think the introduction could use some work! I think it's too specific for an intro, and the general style is not that strong. (Including the structure: "Being an island country," which you wrote as well. This might be a matter of taste, but I think it would sound better to say "since it's an island country," or "As it is an island country.")

Are you going to switch the parenthetical citations to Wikipedia number citations? I'm assuming so, just wanted to make sure. And I'm looking forward to reading more about the other topics you have listed!

And consider adding more links to other wikipedia pages within your text, such as El Niño.

All of these impacts togetherhave greatly affected the Philippines’ agriculture, energy, water, infrastructure, human health, and coastal ecosystems and they are projected to continue to damage the economy and society of the Philippines(A).''

Does your source say negatively affected? If so, specify. If not, then following with continuing to cause damage is inconsistent. So I would suggest adding negatively or rewriting the causing damage part.''

Due to its geographical location, climate, and topography, the Philippines is ranked third on the World Risk Index for highest disaster risk and exposure to natural disasters (C). 16 of its provinces, including Manila, Benguet, and Batanes, are included in the top 50 most vulnerable places in Southeast Asia, with Manila being ranked 7th (E). Four cities in the Phillippines, Manila, San Jose, Roxas, and Cotaboato, are included in the top 10 citiesmost vulnerable to sea level rise in the East Asia and Pacific region(B).

How come you're mentioning the provinces Manila, Benguet and Batanes? I would add a short phrase saying why, e.g., the three largest, or the three most populated (whatever it is).

Climate change has had and will continue to have drastic effects on the climate of the Philippines. From 1951-2010, the Philippines saw its average temperature rise by 0.65 degrees Celsius, with fewer recorded cold nights and more hot days (A). Since the 1970s, the number of typhoons during the El Niño season has increased (A). The Philippines has not only seen 0.15 meters of sea level rise since 1940, but also a 0.6 to 1 degree Celsius increase in sea surface temperature since 1910, and a 0.09 degree C increase in ocean temperatures since 1950(A, B). During the time period from 1990 to 2006, the Philippines experienced a number of record-breaking weather events, including the strongest and most destructivetyphoons, the deadliest storm, and the typhoon with the highest 24 hour rainfall on record (B).

What is the difference between strongest typhoon and highest 24 hour rainfall typhoon. It might be worth specifying, because this sounds repetitive. Also what is the definition of a storm? Hurricane, typhoon? Alongside that, deadliest is a pretty vague word. Does it mean the highest number of people died? People died the fastest?

Also, will you be adding a short blurb about how climate change connects to more extreme weather? I would, in case people are reading this with not much knowledge of climate science.

''In 2013, Super Typhoon Haiyan, also known locally as “Yolanda”, hit the Phillippines in the Guigan municipality. The category 5 typhoon continued to travel west, making landfall in several municipalities, and ultimately devastated enormous stretches of the Philippines islands of Samar, Leyte, Cebu, and the Visaya archipelago (C). ''

Tied for being the strongest landfalling tropical typhoon on record, Typhoon Haiyan had wind speeds of over 300 km/h (almost 190 mph) which triggered major storm surges that wreaked havoc on many places in the country (C). ''Leaving' over 6,300 dead, 28,688 injured, and 1062 missing, Typhoon Haiyan is the deadliest typhoon on record in the Philippines (F). More than16 million people were affected by the storm, suffering from the storm surge, flash floods, landslides, and extreme winds and rainfall that took lives, destroyed homes, and devastated many areas(D, F). Typhoon Haiyan crucially damaged over 1.1 million houses in the Philippines and displaced over 4.1 million people (D, F). According to the NDRRMC, the storm cost the Philippines about 3.64 billion US dollars (F).

This paragraph had a lot of repetition of "the Phillippines," so I suggested changing it ounce to the country, and taking it out once, because it's evident that we're talking about the Phillippines. And I would suggest rewriting the first sentences as I wrote or something similar, because they were a bit hard to read.

Future projections of climate change predict that Earth's atmosphere is likely to warm by more than 2 degrees C by 2060(B). Specifically in the Philippines, average temperatures are “virtually certain” to see an increase of 1.8 to 2.2 degrees Celsius (B). This temperature increase will stratify the localclimate and cause the wet and dry seasons to be wetter and drier, respectively (A). Most areas in the Philippines will see reduced rainfall from March to May, while Luzon and Visayas will see increased heavy rainfall (A). There will also be an increase in: the number of days that exceed 35 degrees C; that have less than 2.5 mm of rainfall; and that have more than 300mm of rainfall (A). Additionally, climate changewill continue to increase the intensity of typhoons and tropical storms (B). Sea levels around the Philippines are projected to rise 0.48 to 0.65 meters by 2100, which exceeds the global average rates of sea level rise (G). Combined with sea level rise, this stratification into more extreme seasons and climates increases the frequency and severity of storm surge, floods, landslides, and droughts. These exacerbate risks to agriculture, energy, water, infrastructure, human health, and coastal ecosystems.

I took out some more in the Phillippines phrases and added some punctuation here and there.bellamelodia (talk) 04:11, 19 March 2018 (UTC)

Daisy Martin's Peer Review
Hi Jed,

This all looks great so far as you have gotten many reliable sources and have been able to find a lot of information you could contribute to the "Environmental issues in the Philippines" article. I think adding a Climate Change section is a great idea and seems to fit very well in the current article. I want to caution you to not disproportionally represent this in the article, however.

I want to suggest changing your subheader1 to something more succinct such as Global Warming and Natural Disasters. I also want to suggest removing the section on Super Typhoon Haiyan and instead simply add a sentence and cite the main article instead of having a large section on it.

I also don't see anything on your Sandbox for another article besides Environmental issues in the Philippines, but I think this is a great start to this article. You have great sources and an encyclopedic voice! Daisymartin (talk) 02:56, 20 March 2018 (UTC)

Wiki Mainspace Peer Edit
Hi Jed!

I'm really impressed by the edits you've made to your mainspace articles so far! Just a few small copyedits:

- Periods need to go before the citation!

- "The three aspects of capacity building that Wakely believed were essential..." (Capacity building)

- "Human resource development is defined as..." (capacity building)

Wiki Mainspace Edit

Jed - I would make sure you keep an encyclopedic tone and avoid over using prepositions.