User talk:Julz raad/sandbox

Comments
I'm an online ambassador for your WMST 250: Women, Art, and Culture (2014 Q3) class and have just stopped by to provide a quick review and add what I hope will be helpful comments.

You've got a great start to the article about Ann Newmarch - having background information, a bit about her career and awards. I have a couple of suggestions to run by you:
 * The education section is a very close paraphrase of the content from CLARA. Since she went to art school simultaneously with art school, perhaps the sentence about her parents forbidding her to pursue art could be removed - or perhaps a sentence that she studied education due to her parents restrictions that she not fully focus her career goals on being an artist. And, perhaps the last sentence could be reworded to say that: she became one of the few woman instructors at the art school in 1969.
 * Since there's not very much detail about her career - for instance I'm not sure if she was predominately and artist, educator, or activist - you may want to add some further reading options from World Cat
 * There's some information about exhibitions, works, collections and sources at NLA
 * I'm not sure what "Today, it is said that Ann Newmarch was a big artist in the 70s." means. Do you have a source that you could attribute a statement about her impact? Who says she's a big??? successful? influential? artist in the 1970s. Since there's not much about her after 1974, except for winning awards, does that mean that she didn't teach, exhibit, other since then?
 * There are times encyclopedic tone dwindles a little, like: "Although she is not always in the eye of the society, she is always working away in her studio." I'm not sure that this is notable content, but perhaps something like: "Newmarch now works in her studio in Prospect."
 * As an FYI, I cannot open the LOOK Five Thousand source - my computer security scanner identifies it as a potential unsafe site.

I'll be watching this page and your sandbox page for any updates. You can also "ping" me (just type "" as you see it) to your message on this page or leave a message on my talk page. Happy editing!-- CaroleHenson  ( talk ) 20:18, 1 November 2014 (UTC)