User talk:Justjoyy/sandbox

Feedback

 * Some sentences in the first paragraph are a bit confusing
 * The verb shift also changes throughout paragraphs; for example, the second sentence in the first paragraph is in present tense but the third sentence is in past tense
 * The last sentences of the first and second paragraphs are repetitive
 * To appeal to the audience a little more, you could consider switching the first and second paragraphs around; start with a story, then facts. It’s perfectly fine the way it is now, but it’s just a suggestion.
 * I would delete the last sentence in the section titled “Complications and risks”; it is an opinionated statement that not everyone will agree with it
 * The third sentence in “Male Cosmetic Surgery” is confusing and hard to understand; consider rewording
 * In the fifth sentence of the “Male Cosmetic Surgery”, the sentence reads “Jaden Smith, as well as many other men in the world, prefer to wear dresses and skirts which are normally associated with women.” The sentence sounds as if you’re saying its normal for men to wear dresses. Consider rewording to say something along the lines of it not being normal for men to wear dresses and skirts
 * There are no citations in the article; although they are listed at the end, you still need to add them after the sentences in which you cited; after the sentence, it should say something like [1] or [2]
 * On your internal link, make sure you link the word “surgery” too instead of “gender reassignment”; some people might think they are linking to gender reassignment beliefs, gender reassignment process, or other things

Rdelat3 (talk) 13:19, 17 March 2016 (UTC)

Organized, sensible order? -	I found this to be in correct chronological order. -	Check sentence structure and verb tenses. -	I had to reread to understand was “he went to Denmark as a trip and came back a different gender,” then you went into explanation about his army life then jumped back to the part about his gender reconstruction in Denmark. -	 It was very easy to understand for readers, but still used a formal tone.

Section lengths and Content? -	The length of each section is perfect. All of them have just enough information to address each subheading, such as “societal prevalence” -	All content is relevant and to the point. Not all paragraphs are the same size, which is good because some topics do not need to be expanded on more.

Content? -The content is completely neutral. I am not sure of the opinion of the writer, which is good. -I enjoyed how the writer includes many examples, such as the different people… Michael Jackson and Caitlyn Jenner.

Sources? -	The writer has correct amount of sources. There are 2 popular and 3 academic. -	All internal and external links work correctly.

Egray19 (talk) 13:21, 17 March 2016 (UTC)