User talk:Jwein16/sandbox

The first thing that I will change or revise is how my sentences are structured. I am going to add more in my paragraphs about what my topic is, going to go deeper into the topic. Also I would like to have a better start to the paper. My next step is to strengthen the final source that I have, or find an alternate one.

Michael Brusa: Peer Assessment
March 19th, 2019

After reviewing your Transgender write-up I was able to acquire a basic understanding of the conceptual intentions. I feel that you have a great foundation among the many paths you choose to write upon. One part that can use some work would be your sentence structure, really focus on attention to detail in the text. I believe your future essay will hold an over abundant amount of information about individual perspective on this topic. General awarenesses in regards of a mutual agreement between any party would create meaningfulness and acceptance. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Moneybags10 (talk • contribs) 22:14, 19 March 2019 (UTC)

Feedback on draft
Justin: This is a great start, and just about the right length/level of detail. Revise the sentences so that instead of "the first source says," you write, "XX authors argue..." or "YYY researchers show..." Always be as specific as possible. So, for example, instead of writing that the source shows what campus life is like, answer that "what" question for your reader and tell us what campus life is like, according to the article. Mbrzycki (talk) 22:36, 25 March 2019 (UTC)