User talk:Jwienszag/sandbox

Great approach, Justin. This will really add to the depth of the article.Carolyncunningham (talk) 21:42, 11 April 2019 (UTC)

Justin M. Peer Review
I think you did a lot of good editing and additions to this article. I want to commend you on a good job of checking for plagiarism...it goes to show you how much of actual wikipedia might be plagiarized, and we need to be wary of that when reading and editing. I want to go back and double check my article now.

In terms of the content you added, I love the addition of the during college and older years. It really helps add to the section and make it feel complete. I would suggest maybe moving the paragraph below it first thought (the paragraph about adolescent body image. That seems to fit with the younger kids section of the article.

The sentence: "These myriad factors influence how users will form and communicate their online personas" seems like an unnecessary sentence to "sum up" things...you could just delete it or add another sentence. Also nice use of the word "myriad", instead of the phrase "myriad of". You choose the right side of a frequently debate grammar rule!

The sentence: "College students sometimes rely on Facebook to build a favorable online identity, which contributes to greater satisfaction with campus life." doesn't really need to talk about Facebook....but could just say social media in general. This would age proof this, because I think people use more than Just Facebook to do this.

The sentence: "As a form of impression management aimed at building recognition and acceptance among peers, college students may create posts that present risky behavior as signs of achievement, fun, and sociability." seems to be off somehow. Try swapping the first and last half of the sentence. Or just delete everything before the comma and attach the last part to the sentence before it.

In face these three sentences...can be shortened into 2 without losing much: "College students also use Facebook to promote risky behavior, such as alcohol use.[53] As a form of impression management aimed at building recognition and acceptance among peers, college students may create posts that present risky behavior as signs of achievement, fun, and sociability.[53] Since risky behavior is frequently deemed attractive by peers, college students often use their social media profiles to highlight instances of alcohol use and unhealthy eating to gain approval."

I feel like you also spend a lot of time on giving examples for the college years, but when it comes to the adult and senior ages, you don't have much. In this sentence: "During middle adulthood, users tend to display greater levels of confidence and mastery in their social media connections while senior users tend to utilize social media for educational and supportive purposes[54]." you could provide more reasons as to why this is.

Overall great additions, and wonderful job of checking the sources and the accuracy of the article! Justmatko (talk) 03:49, 22 April 2019 (UTC)