User talk:KStein91/sandbox

=Cremona Evaluations (1st Edit)=

Article Evaluation: Cremona
I am going to do some research into the history of Cremona, and why it changed hands so much in the earlier years. I also want to do some basic research about the town and what it is know for. I am hoping to find peer reviewed articles to expand on throughout the article.--KStein91 (talk) 20:18, 13 April 2019 (UTC)

5/5/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright
DrMichaelWright (talk) 23:32, 5 May 2019 (UTC)


 * Points: 40/40
 * Grade: 100%

Spelling/Grammar
Meets standard.
 * 1990's and 2000's should be 1990s and 2000s. They are plural, not possessive.

Language
Meets standard.
 * I think the first two sentences could have been turned into one (though I am usually a fan of smaller sentences), like so: "Due to Italian planning laws in the 1990s, urban planning became a necessity for the town of Cremona." That would have allowed you to just put in those duplicate citations once.
 * "Spawned" seems to be like a pejorative term that might not be apropos.
 * You seem to be using the perfect present a lot. I wonder if the past tense may not be better, especially since your main sources are already a bit old now.

Organization
Nearly meets standard. I honestly think that the urban planning is a poor fit with economy, though I don't know if you'd want to put it under any other heading. Maybe just its own level two header. I'm also wondering why the sustainability header and its text are separated from the main paragraph. Wasn't sustainability the point of the urban planning to begin with?

Coding
Exceeds standard. You really did some great coding with those citations/references. See below for some suggestions to kick it up just another notch.

Validity
Meets standard.
 * I have a concern that you may not be hewing close enough to your source text. When you write "Due to its close location to Milan, urbanization of Cremona has taken place because of some decentralization of Milan," it certainly sounds fairly plausible, but I did not find that directly mentioned in your source article. The closest I saw was where it said " Traffic is congested, especially along the main roads that run from the northeastern portion of the province to Milan"(pg. 86). Maybe I missed it, however. In order to help a reader verify what you are saying, it would be good for the citations or references to have more specific page numbers (see below under citations).

Completion
Exceeds standard. This is really something. You've really created an awesome paragraph.

Relevance
Exceeds standard. This is really good. I hope that you post this on Wikipedia, after you tweak it a little with my suggestions here.)

Spelling/Grammar
The Teatro Massimo still hosts (no comma needed), the dance called Tarantella Siciliana, He is known for his work, and has written several ballets

Language
I feel like the phrase goes hand in hand doesn’t fit with the style. Salvatore Taglioni, a famous dancer and choreographer, was born in Palermo. (Rephrased)

Organization
Good organization.

Coding
No need to leave a space before a citation.

Validity
Meets standard.

Completion
It would be cool to also see examples of folk or pop artists.

Relevance
Meets standard.

Citation
Meets standard.

Spelling/Grammar
There are a few minor errors

Language
In some places, the wording is awkward.

Organization
Your organization is fine.

Coding
Coding seems fine

Validity
Meets the standard.

Completion
As you indicated in. your own comments, it seems incomplete. I understand that you had trouble finding sources. Maybe you could have included more subsections

Relevance
Good

Citation
Meets standard.

6/4/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright
DrMichaelWright (talk) 16:24, 4 June 2019 (UTC)

This draft has a lot of problems. It's the start of something worthwhile, but it needs a lot of revision.
 * Points: 30/40
 * Grade: 75%

Spelling/Grammar
Does not meets standard. There are too many punctuation and other grammar errors. For example:
 * "...develop The Neapolitan..." 'The' should not be capitalized.
 * "Scarliatti had two sons, they also became composers..." Comma splice. Swap 'they' with 'who' to make it better.
 * "Scarlatti in the past with a music festival that is titled..." If it's in the past, then the sentence needs to be in the past tense.
 * "There have been many musicians that have come from Palermo." This sentence seems awkward. 'Many musicians have come from Palermo' would be better.
 * "...Italy's unification, it was held..." Comma splice. Turn into two sentences.
 * "The Teatro Massimo, still hosts..." Comma should be omitted.
 * "Salvatore Taglioni, was a famous dancer and choreographer; born in Palermo." Two punctuation errors.
 * "His is known for..." He
 * "...because the danced called..."
 * "..inspired by the folk music that is found in Southern Italy." Remove 'the' and 'that is'.
 * "...for his work several ballets..." Either 'his work' or 'several ballets'. Best the latter.
 * "...that are inspired by literature and historical events.' are=>were, since that inspiration happened in the past.

Language
Meets standard.
 * "...ballet events that are inspired from the works of choreographers past and present." This reads like a tourist pamphlet. Are ballet events not by definition 'inspired' by choreographers?

Organization
Meets standard.

Coding
Nearly meets standard.
 * Good use of 'see also' code.
 * A lot of the things mentioned should have links to their Wikipedia pages.
 * Lists should be bulleted.
 * If the Wikipedia article for Pistocchi only uses three of his names, then you should follow suit.

Validity
Does not meet standard. I am unsure of some of the material here. Too much of it seems like a tourist pamphlet that pumps up the place, rather than something that puts it in an accurate context. For example:
 * "There have been many musicians that have come from Palermo." Okay, but you can only name two famous ones, and (at least) one of those guys left Palermo when he was young and never came back. If there so many that this is a meaningfully valid statement, shouldn't there be more that you could list?
 * Your sources do not always back up your statements.
 * "Folk dance is also important to Palermo because the danced called Tarantella Siciliana is inspired by the folk music that is found in Southern Italy." The conclusion does not follow the premise.

Completion
Nearly meets standard. Your lists of famous musicians/composers and dancers/choreographers from Palermo are too incomplete to be added to a Wikipedia page, except as a stub.

Relevance
Meets standard. This the start of what could be a very worthwhile addition.