User talk:KaelaAudrey/sandbox

Peer Review
I think so far what you have is good. However, I think that the first paragraph drags on a little bit when listing the countries where she documented wars. I also noticed that in the first paragraph specifically you used "she" and "her" a lot to begin sentences instead of her name, which is a minor detail but I think it would come across stronger if you used proper nouns instead. The first two paragraphs also do not have any citations to them, which needs added as well as that isn't common knowledge. As far as the last two paragraphs, the beginning few words of both of them don't make sense, as well as having capital letters where they aren't needed. Oppositely from the first two paragraphs they do both have citations which is good! Overall though, I think this is a really good start for your article and I think with a few grammatical adjustments and some citations added it will be great. Alexis.black (talk) 18:45, 28 March 2018 (UTC)Alexis Black

I think I would try to find more about how she started as a photographer and try to find information about her struggles and why she's one of the first war photographers. I would also definitely try to find information about her personal and early life in order for the reader to try to understand who she is as a person and not just the photographer that she is known for. Other than those few suggestions, I think the information about the wars that she has photographed is perfect and maybe try to explain if she was with a specific side of the wars that she would photographed. But the grammar and the spelling of the stuff you have is good and it is all great! Albaker2020 (talk) 03:35, 22 March 2018 (UTC)

Thank you for your feedback! I did notice the first few scentense dragging out and will change it up. The citations as well need to be added in for sure. These were all great points and will really help me improve the addition to the article! KaelaAudrey (talk) 03:44, 27 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review Response by Adriana Emanuilova
Thanks for the feedback! I mentioned this in John's peer review where that first paragraph was what was already published on Wiki about her. We might have added that in confusion. On the other two paragraphs, I believe it was a mistake on the coding and the first couple words should be headings. New sources will be gathered. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Adrianaee (talk • contribs) 01:12, 28 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review by John Boddington
I found this fascinating. I never even thought about there being many people around to photograph the wars this world has faced, let alone women at the times these photos would have been taken due to an unfortunate make-dominant society. I found the lack of sources made me question the validity of the works, and I found that the tone and overall message of this article was somewhat negative, even though this women took part in something that was once in a lifetime. I did find it refreshingly comical that she was arrested and held because she might have been a journalist. God forbid... a writer. I would like to see more sources and more on the positives of her life. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Johnmbiup (talk • contribs) 02:53, 23 March 2018 (UTC)

Thank you for your input! I will add more sources and references to the article. I too think she’s a fascinating person and find it ironic as well 5hat she was detained right after her first photograph! I hope that by adding in the sources and references, it will further improve our addition to the article. KaelaAudrey (talk) 03:47, 27 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review response by Adriana Emanuilova
We will work on making this article bring the light into her work as that is what we are trying to achieve for such an awesome and brave woman. Those first two paragraphs i believe were what was already written about her on Wiki. We will make some changes on how it is worded. It might have been added in confusion in the very beginning of this project. Thanks for the feedback! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Adrianaee (talk • contribs) 01:08, 28 March 2018 (UTC)