User talk:Katochis/Cynisca

Peer Review: Overall, I really like your additions to the page because you add a lot of interesting information to the article. I think you do a very good job of citing your sources, although there are one or two spots, I pointed out in my suggestions that are unclear which source the information belongs too. Your additions are also unbiased so good job on that! However, I do think the page deviates from the subject of Cynisca in some spots and becomes more focused on women in sports in general, specifically the Cultural Context section. While I understand trying to set up the social climate of the period for readers, I think its important to make it clear to the reader that this information is not necessarily relevant to Cynisca. In the section you talk about Greek women in general and then Spartan women in general, so clarifying that this information isn't necessarily applicable to Cynisca (a spartan princess who probably had above average privilege, wealth, and opportunities) is important. Resources on Cynisca are probably harder to find and I'm assuming that's why you decided to focus more on Spartan and Greek women in sport. I suggest moving this section to the end of the article so it can focus more on Cynisca at the beginning then move into a cultural context. I think the intro to the page is good but unless you intend on going further in depth with the Early Life section than I suggest just moving that information underneath the intro as I don't think it warrants its own section. If you can find more information about her early life, then that would be an interesting addition! I also think you should switch the Olympic Victory section below the Early Life/Intro section(s) and above the Cultural Impact and Context sections. It pretrains more to Cynisca’s life so it would be a good section to follow the intro. The cultural impact section needs to be cleared up a bit. I'm not sure if there's enough factual evidence to support Cynisca as having a great impact on other women. I think you should focus more on what current scholarship thinks about this. I do think quoting Pausanias or making it clearer he is the source you are using would clear up some of the confusion. The last line of this section about modern times would be a great place to add more info if you could find more example of Cynisca in popular culture. I really enjoyed your additions and look forward to seeing your final product! BeckAnn B (talk) 03:05, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

Instructor Feedback on Draft/Peer Review 1

BeckAnn B thanks for a great review! I appreciate how closely you examined the organization of the page, this is often the hardest aspect to sort out on one's own. You also gave really extensive copyediting comments, so your peer will have lots to work with. Excellent work, thanks for your hard work on this review! Grade: A+

Katochis you've done a really impressive job and extending the limited information available on Kyniska and drawing it out as much as possible so far. I agree with your peer reviewer that you should be clear about the separation between factual evidence Kyniska herself, and then present her impact - but definitely keep everything you've added so far, because the addition of the cultural impact, women's roles in Sparta, women's athleticism, etc. makes this a really robust and solid page. I also agree that the info about her victory and statue/commemoration/epigram should be presented above the cultural context. I wonder if we'll be able to track down an open-access image of the base. Fingers crossed! Your more difficult task will be taking this page to the next level, and really getting to the scholarship about her beyond what you've already found. In the Companion volume, the Spartan Women chapter has lots of bibliography to chase down, and see if Millender's ‘A Contest in Charisma: Cynisca’s Heroization, Spartan Royal Authority, and the Threat of Non-Royal Glorification’, (in Howe and Koulakiotis, eds.) has been published yet. Overall, you've got a really great writing style that is easy to read - excellent job with your first draft. Grade: A+

Peer Review Edits: I reorganized the sections according to the recommendations, fixed the typos and problems with syntax, and added a couple more sentences using information from the companion textbook chapter. For the next round of editing, I am going to keep trying to find new sources of information so that I can expand the page (although I am a little skeptical about the amount of information that there is left to find) and keep refining the material that I already have. I will also be looking for some more pictures I could add to the article later on, particularly for the stone inscription at Olympos.

Peer Review Edits #2: For this round of peer review edits, I mostly focused on the grammar and organization suggestions that Cameron pointed out in his feedback. I also took his advice to create a separate "etymology" subheading to discuss the possible origins of Cynisca's name, rather than including it in the early life section. I agree that it makes more sense this way. I also spent some time trying to find more sources and photos to add but I did not have much luck. I looked on wikicommons but nothing came up for Cynisca, so going forward I am going to do some more deep digging and look through museum photo collections to try and find a picture of the inscription since I think it would add a lot to the page. As for sources, I was not able to find much more in English. I found an article in German that might be useful, so I will try and go through that to see if there is anything else I could add. I am starting to get a little skeptical about how many more secondary sources there are out there to find, but I'll keep searching to make sure I include everything possible before the final version is due. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Katochis (talk • contribs) 00:12, 29 March 2021 (UTC)