User talk:Kav026/sandbox

Feedback and peer review on NCNW by Jesus Rodriguez

The National Council of Negro Women:
 * Review first sentence since seem to be some grammar errors and some missed words. Might need to change “an” to “and” as well as add the word “life for” between “of” and “African.”
 * For better structure of this heading, you might want to divide it into paragraphs/sections. This would help everything from being clumped together.
 * Also, look into better adding citations, only cited once in the whole paragraph. It might be only one source used for now, but could possibly change the order of information and citing more frequently, will help you know where each piece of information is from.
 * Add a comma between “women” and “but” to the second-to-last paragraph.
 * Overall it is a solid heading that meets all the check-marks in regard for information. The only thing I am wondering is if the NCNW also looks to help women of other minority groups or only African-American. Maybe add if NCNW also seeks to help women of other minority races.

History:
 * Need to give better citations throughout the paragraph.
 * Make sure to split up information into sections for better reading.
 * Look at the grammar of sentence 3 from the beginning, and change wording to create better understanding of what is trying to be said. The confusion being at “ The organization comes to a couple of years after World War I and stems from the National Association of Colored Women”
 * Give examples of what exactly the organization did to empower and help black women (could possibly create a heading for this alone) Give significant and keystone examples and events done by the NCNW that helped African-American women.
 * Give more information on the take and perspective of the NCNW on the 19th Amendment and what exactly were their actions to these beliefs.

Mary McLeod Bethune:
 * Add comma after “1942”
 * Clear up the sentence and confusion towards the end of the sentence “ and they special Roosevelt as Director of the Division of Negro Affairs of the National Youth Administration.”
 * Add just a little more information on Bethune and her great role to NCNW and how she came to finding it. ( I know she has an existing Wikipedia page, but a little extra information would help clarify and demonstrate her great importance to this organization).

Other Founders:
 * Give better citations
 * Give more background information on all three following successors to Bethune. This will add their take to the organization and how the organization has evolved.
 * Give background on how Height obtained leadership of NCNW in 1958 and how she got to this organization. Give examples of how her actions helped the organization evolve to meet modern problems.
 * You gave a list of examples of goals Height intended to achieve, give information on how she achieved those goals, and once achieving those goals, how did it impact African-American women.

National Programs-The Annual Black Family Reunion Program Celebration:
 * Clear up grammar in first sentence
 * Give citations
 * Give more background information to how NCNW worked with these other civil rights organizations and what they accomplished together.
 * Explain what the WINS project was.

Overall, the page gives good information that isn’t biased and relays the importance of the NCNW. The page is only in need of better structure by dividing large paragraphs into smaller multiple sections. The page also needs better and more frequent citations to know where all information is coming from. Lastly, the derived points of adding further information, will help add a little more clarity to the page and help it flow better.

--Jrodriguez6114 (talk) 22:14, 25 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review by Sydney Culver

Lead
Overall pretty good but maybe consider breaking up into smaller paragraphs like the first couple of sentences in one and the second paragraph talk about the head quarters and field offices and in the last talk about Bethune and move the last two sentences up in the lead section.
 * In the third sentence you said the NCNW is an "umbrella for the black women's group that already existed" existed when? maybe add a year or time period
 * I would take "its" out of the fourth sentence in the lead paragraph
 * In the eighth sentence of the lead it says "Her plans were to plan, initiate and carry.." maybe use a synonym for plans like goals or to dreams because plans were to plan could sound better

History

 * The end of the fourth sentence says "black women's right in political and economical say" change right to rights and "say" doesn't make sense to me but maybe I'm reading it wrong
 * Consider making two paragraphs.

Bethune

 * Check spelling and grammar it sounds unclear at the end what you're trying to say
 * Maybe break this up into two sentences and I suggest making this section at least a paragraph long, for her to be the main founder only 1-2 sentences doesn't seem like enough.

Other Founders

 * The first sentence has a lot of information and seems long, break this up into two or three sentences
 * Add a comma between president and Height.

National Programs
Overall good just needs a few grammar and structural changes. It is not biased and gets the point of the NCNW across. I would cite where the information is coming from since there is only three citations throughout the whole page. Smc083 (talk) 17:58, 26 March 2019 (UTC)sydney
 * Change "work" to "worked"
 * change "in" to "to"
 * Take out had.

Peer Edits from Morgan Knesek
The National Council of Negro Women[edit] The National Council of Negro Women (NCNW) is a non-profit organization with the mission to advance the opportunities and the quality of African American women, their families, and communities. They fulfill their mission through research, advocacy, national and community-based services, and programs in the United States and Africa. NCNW serves as a super organization which acts as a cohesive umbrella for the black women's groups that already existed. With its 28 national affiliate organizations and its more than 200 community-based sections, NCNW has an outreach to nearly four million women, all contributing to the peaceful solutions to the problems of human welfare and rights. The national headquarters, which acts as a central source for program planning, is based in Washington, D.C., on Pennsylvania Avenue, located between the White House and the U.S. Capitol. NCNW also has two field offices. Mary McLeod Bethune was the founder of NCNW and wanted to educate, encourage, and affect the participation of Negro Women in the civic, political, economic and educational activities and institutions. Her plans were to plan, initiate, and carry out the dreams of African-American women who felt unheard and mistreated. The organization was considered as a cleaning house for the dissemination of activities concerning women but wanted to work alongside a group who supported civil rights rather than go to actual protests. [1] Women on the council fought more towards political and economic successes of black women to uplift them in society.

History[edit] The NCNW was founded on December 5th, 1935 by Mary McLeod Bethune, a distinguished educator, and government consultant whose parents were born into slavery. Mary McLeod Bethune saw the need for harnessing the power and extending the leadership of African-American women through a national organization. [The organization began a couple of years after World War I and stems from the National Association of Colored Women, which also saw a purpose in supporting black women's rights in political and economical say] ***rephrase this sentence. [2] The first four decades of the organization was spent fulfilling Bethune’s ideas of a unified women’s movement. This would become notable in addressing the economic, political, and social issues which affected them and their loved ones. In the early years of NCNW, the small volunteer staff operated out of Bethune's living room in Washington D.C. The support of the NCNW was considered to be critical to the women’s organizations as opposed to the amendment (which amendment). The activism of Bethune and the NCNW and the area of women's rights was unusual; generally, and the forty years from the mid-1920s to the mid-1960s, black female leaders were suspiciously absent from the struggle for female equality.***Rephrase this beginning [ Part of this reason for their inactivity and this area] was the racism of the white suffragists which they had experienced during the struggle for the 19th Amendment. Although Bethune and the NCNW were very much involved in the struggle over the Equal Rights Amendment, especially in the late 1940s, she was careful to keep her organization on the conservative side of the issue and refused to support the amendment. why?

Mary McLeod Bethune[edit] [From 1936 to 1942, Bethune was simultaneously the president of Bethune-Cookman College, which was founded by her for black students in Daytona, Florida, the president of the NCNW, and the special Roosevelt as Director of the Division of Negro Affairs of the National Youth Administration. ] **rephrase.

Other Founders[edit] Bethune stepped down from the presidency of the NCNW in November 1949 at the age of seventy-four. Her two successors, Dorothy B. Ferebee presided from 1949 to 1953, and Vivian C. Mason presided from 1953 to 1957. These two women carried on the tradition of “black first”.[3] After 1958, under Height’s leadership, the NCNW began to move in new directions to come to terms with a number of old problems, and she worked to bring the organization up to date with the times. In her first years as president Height concentrated on achieving concrete goals: the acquisition of tax-exempt status; the erection of the Bethune Memorial Statue; the professionalization of the NCNW; and the establishment of Mary McLeod Bethune Memorial Museum and National Archives for Black Women's History.

National Programs -The Annual Black Family Reunion Program Celebration[edit] In the early 1960s, the NCNW also worked closely with civil rights organizations, especially SNCC, in advancing black rights in the South. The NCNW and its affiliations had participated in the Women's Integrity Integrating Neighborhood Services (WIINS) project in the New York metropolitan area.

what kind of work did WIINS do?

I made edits to some grammar within the page and pointed out some places where some sentences need to be rephrased. I also added some questions that could help you go into more detail about some of the topics. Knesekm213 (talk) 01:28, 27 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer Edit from KM
Minor grammatical errors throughout the article (such as the first sentence "The National Council of Negro Women (NCNW) is a non-profit organization with the mission to advance the opportunities an the quality of African American women, their families, and communities."; switch the "an" to "and".), but the reader is still able to follow through adequately. It's good that you linked other Wikipedia articles for words readers might need more context on, but more sources can definitely be used in your sections. I'd suggest at least using 2-3 sources in every section, and citing them to offer more information to readers. Also, readers might want to know more information over the founders of the NCNW. Look into other sources, if available, that might provide more information over the founders, their life, and contributions to the NCNW. Overall, you used a handful of good sources and information that wasn't biased.

-Peer Review by Keri Martinez — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kerimartinez (talk • contribs) 17:50, 29 March 2019 (UTC)