User talk:Kej9149/clausula(music)

Instructor Feedback (Draft 1)
You've made a lot of progress and, for the most part, you're writing works well. My biggest concern has to do with organization (see my comments on "style and structure" below).

Lead

 * This works well as it currently stands. My only quibbles are: 1) clausulae are always polyphonic (usually for two voices, but sometimes for three), so it call them "a portion of a melody" is misleading. "Melody" implies once voice; and 2) The last sentence feels a bit extraneous. Is it really so important that it needs to be there? In general, any piece of music from this period is delineated by a final cadence, so in this respect the clausula isn't unusual.

Origins

 * Capitalize "Art Antiqua"
 * Include a parenthetical date for Anonymous IV, i.e. "according to THE English author known as Anonymous IV (ca. 1280) ..."
 * "the TERM clausula was already USED in ANCIENT Roman rhetoric, WHERE IT DENOTED ..."
 * Try to avoid using words phrases like "it seems that" or "it seems to be," particularly when you are discussing what some studies say or don't say. It's better to be more direct.
 * I'm not sure what you mean by a "non-linear relationship." Could you clarify?

Style and structure

 * This is some of the most interesting and best written material in the article, but none of it has much to do with style and structure. Indeed, it seems to have more to do with the origins of the clausula. With this in mind, consider renaming your headings and reorganizing your material. The alternative would be to add information that was actually about the style and structure.
 * At several points you refer to the "look" or appearance of clasulae, but I'm not sure exactly what you mean. For instance: "some clausula [sic] had a look that matched the French motet without text." Please clarify what you mean by "look."Bdbrand77 (talk) 14:24, 2 December 2020 (UTC)

Instructor Feedback
You've made some good initial steps to improving the article! Here is some feedback:
 * I'm glad you added a brief discussion of Anonymous IV. But he is so important that I suggest you include a block quotation that includes his mention of the clausula. Also, be sure to insert a hyperlink to the Wikipedia article on Anonymous IV.
 * "Clausulae represent the trials to enrich upon the limited sources of sacred works in the 13th-century." I know what you mean because I know something about the topic, but I don't think a lay reader would understand what you mean by "trials." Try to think of a way of explaining it in terms that someone otherwise unfamiliar with Clausulae could understand."

Finally, I would encourage you to revise the opening sentence of the lead and, in particular, to consider the use of "cantus firmus." In my experience, that is a term used for motets but not clausulae. By now you know the secondary literature on this topic better than me, so you can make a better decision as to whether to keep it or delete it.Bdbrand77 (talk) 23:39, 14 November 2020 (UTC)