User talk:KendallChristian/sandbox

Hi Kendall! Here are my edits for your article!

First paragraph: what is parturition? Maybe define this term briefly, or link it to an informative article. (I don't think you should assume your audience has knowledge of medical terms)

Second paragraph: It should be “John Snow, however, found great issue with Simpson's lack of safety consideration…” (add commas)

Third paragraph: I would not start the sentence with “Having the role of anaesthetizing the Queen of England” (could you somehow rephrase the sentence so it is less awkward?) You claim the London social elite were aware of the use of chloroform and found it appealing. Is this based on primary sources? (i.e. do you have a member of the London social elite who mentions that they were aware of the use of chloroform and cites it positively?) Otherwise, I think this is a pretty interpretative claim and that you should attach it to a particular historian and not suggest that all London elite were aware of this event and that all of them viewed chloroform favorably.

This sentence is confusing to me: “This societal aspect of childbirth was recognized by Dr. Churchill of Dublin who concurrently published on the statistics of obstetric anaesthesia, suggesting that wealthier individuals were recorded to have easier births from the use of such drugs” Could you potentially break it up into multiple sentenences to make it easier on the reader?

Religious Opposition/medical objections: It wasn’t clear to me where these paragraphs will go on the page. Are they within history? Or are they within the “Ethical and medicolegal issues” section of the page? Since these sections seemed to be more focused on how religious and medical opposition changed in the 19th century, I might incorporate this into the rest of your history section (and not make them separate sections)

I would also make sure to include links to people within in the page! (Queen Victoria, John Snow, etc.)

Great job! Madelinekowalski (talk) 13:52, 6 May 2017 (UTC)

cglidden (talk) 16:47, 6 May 2017 (UTC) Hi Kendall,

Overall great article, just some thoughts:

I think you could try to format into sections if you can (just click the heading format, so it's a little easier to read, but it's fine the way it is if you disagree).

I would say in addition or furthermore instead of further in the last sentence of your first paragraph.

I also think you could add citations to some of the more seemingly opinionated claims you make such as "The Medico Chirurgical Society publication of Simpson's findings was not well received and required significant defense which Simpson was willing to provide."

Perhaps linking the names of people to the wikipedia articles about them would help.

Also, small grammar point: "These differences among others is why the title "Father of Obstetric Anaesthesia" has becomes so controversial" should say "has BECOME"

Otherwise, looks great, good job!

Caroline