User talk:KestrelFlight/sandbox

Hi Hannah - I think you've done a great job presenting the major ways that birds/animals adapt to urbanization in a way that's easy to understand and isn't bogged down with technical terms. I think its awesome too that you've incorporated super recent work on how the pandemic affects all of this. I thought how you organized the ideas and researcher's findings was very logical. Overall, it might be good to explain some of the different approaches scientists have used to investigate these topics. Doing so will provide some additional interesting information, but it's also a useful framework that the reader can use to map out and understand how the concepts fit together. For instance, I think the Lombard effect is super interesting, and it would be great if you gave a little more detail about the story behind how researchers figured all that out. I think the overall flow of the paragraphs could be improved throughout by splitting up some of the longer sentences. For example, the second sentence of the first Avian Adaptations paragraph could be split into (1) a sentence saying that birds in urban areas have adapted to be less cautious around humans, and then (2) a sentence explaining how shorter flight initiation distances in urban areas is an example of this reduced caution. I also think the topic sentence of this paragraph should be more about reduced caution in urban areas, and you could potentially just remove the first sentence of this paragraph if you split up the second sentence like I suggested. If you're worried about using too many commas (I saw the note you had in there), I find that when I'm using too many commas in my writing, it usually just means that I need to split up my sentences to reflect the discrete ideas rather than remove the commas. I have a few nit-picky suggestions that I think might help simplify and clarify some of the sentences as well. In the way that you use it in the second sentence of Behavioral Changes, "phenotype" and "trait" are interchangeable. Instead of "phenotypic traits...", I would either say, "Some traits, like larger brains, can allow individuals to more easily adjust..." or just, "Urban habitats often favor larger brains because...". I might also split this sentence into two, with one talking about adaptability and one talking about effects of competition. Also, for the second sentence in the birdsong paragraph, do you mean that the frequency of an individual's birdsongs do not change between urban and rural areas? If so, I would instead say "an individual's birdsongs do not change". I would also define what frequency means here, because when I first read it I thought it meant how often an individual makes a song. I think this is in great shape though!Elioeilish (talk) 17:32, 6 April 2021 (UTC)

Hey Hannah. I think the edits you made to your original draft have truly strengthened your article. Most notably is your further elaboration of the terms you included such as flight initiation distance and the Lombard effect. By defining these in the context of the passage you not only assist in the reader's interpretation, but also create a more adequate representation of their significance. Furthermore I found that your smaller scale edits such as the addition of headings and the structure of sentences has also helped the flow of the article considerably. I feel like this can be taken even further in some cases however. It's evident that you are trying to work on this as it is so I am not going to dwell upon it too much, but I believe your article will be strengthened even more so if you try to break down some of the longer sentences into separate, stronger sentences. An example being your sentence in the first paragraph, "Phenotypic traits such as...". I think the first portion ending in "adapt" could be its own sentence altogether, and that the following portion could be split into two sentences describing among species/within species respectively. Continuing to do this throughout your article to shorten your sentences will result in more substantial fluidity. Continue to limit comma usage when possible (use multiple sentences to counteract this). Small grammatical edits such as, "Phenotypic traits such as brain size 'have' been shown", and "this further limits the species 'ability' to thrive". Overall I think this article is getting pretty close and I am excited to see it in its final form. EasyBlakeOven (talk) 03:28, 9 April 2021 (UTC)

Are you planning to add to or replace the current introduction to urban evolution? I think the intro could be expanded on somewhat by explaining a little more about what an urban environment is and key factors that are different from wild environments. Generally, you want to start introductions with broad, large scale ideas and get more specific as you go. I would recommend adding information about why urban evolution is important (urban areas are expanding, animals are losing their natural habitat, need to adapt to avoid extinction etc) and moving the information about brain size to later in the introduction and maybe list a couple of other common examples of traits that help animals adapt to urban environments (I don't know the literature but maybe being a generalist species or being bolder/less fearful or something). Good job explaining the flight initiation distance. There are a couple of wording/ grammar issues to address (less cautious THAN species that...., limits the species ABILITY to survive). I would also think about where in the existing article this bird subsection is going to fit. Maybe under the urban evolution examples section and then incorporate the blackbird example into your bird section? Within the bird section I also think you could expand on the information you provide. Instead of just saying "urban bird are more X than non urban bird", include the rational for why. For instance, why does being more aggressive and territorial in cities improve fitness? Since you mention brain size in the intro it would be good to expand on it more in the bird section. I bet there is some interesting information about bird nest adaptation in urban and rural environments that you could add (for instance, I think peregrine falcons have started using sky scrapers as nest sites in cities and would be interesting to include as long as it has some evolutionary potential/mechanism). Good work explaining the bird song information in the bird section. Cat&#38;Donkey (talk) 19:26, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

Hannah – overall you have some great information you covered here, and I actually appreciate the relative brevity of your article. I think some general modifications on the overall flow of the article will help considerably and have some specific suggestions below.

In the first paragraph, use this more as an introduction to the sections that follow. Some of what you have here is a bit technical, so I suggest you break some of the sentences (e.g. 2, and others throughout the article) into more than one sentence. Maybe you can explain the general patterns observed, and then say most work has been done on birds. But, overall the first paragraph should introduce any following subsections.

The first sentence of the second section repeats what was said in the first paragraph. Reduce redundancy. Instead of saying that residing in urban areas can alter behaviors, I would suggest saying that many organisms alter behaviors in response to living in urban areas.

I think I would suggest thinking about the overall general patterns and challenges faced by birds in urban environments. Then, describe how the birds have evolved to adapt to each of these, and the consequences for these adaptation. For example, they come into increased contact with humans, have evolved (or show plasticity) in reduced flight distance, which may be due to overall increased boldness…which can help explain increased aggression with competitors (or whatever the multiple effects are). Right now, things are a bit disconnected, but if you use the first paragraph to introduce the challenges presented, and then create a couple of subsections expanding on each, this should help the article flow a bit better and provide more of a cohesive overview.

Some terminology should be explained: flight distance, dialects, transmission distance.

Blake had some really excellent feedback on how to restructure your article, which should be hepful in your revisions. Emelyn also had some great feedback for how to introduce your topic – this will, of course, depend on where you embed your work within the greater article you are adding to. I would strongly suggest you consider both Blake’s and Emelyn’s suggestions in your rewrite! Evol&#38;Glass (talk) 17:15, 18 March 2021 (UTC)