User talk:Kfreda/Weathering hypothesis

Super informative and clear writing. I thought the organization of the article was good. Really impressed with how much information was added compared to the original article. My one comment would maybe be to add a date/timeline as to when Geronimus came up with the hypothesis or when it became popular.--Mpf53 (talk) 22:39, 10 April 2021 (UTC)

Peer review is done! Really great job! Very informative and neutral writing. — Preceding unsigned comment added by ReedNatalie (talk • contribs) 00:35, 12 April 2021 (UTC)

Hi -- some feedback below --Liliput000 (talk) 19:29, 21 April 2021 (UTC)
 * this reads like a rewrite but I know you're keeping a little of the original (and this is also bc it's so short rn) -- are you keeping the "See Also" section? Yes?
 * this sentence is a bit unclear here -- "the disparity between the impact of weathering on minority groups versus others can account for their differential health outcomes"
 * after this the last 3 sentences of the lead might be revised for tone. Currently the tone is a bit more scholarly than encyclopedic.
 * I think you have found some great sources to back this up so far
 * in "Origin," the sentences that cite her own work should be sequestered into a sub-section that has a clear heading "Geronimus's research" or something, so that this doesn't get flagged for potential bias --- it's tricky territory but this would cover you-- this isn't "her" page but it is a term she coined, so her own work should be used judiciously as a source.
 * in "Racial Disparities and Maternal Health" you're missing a space in " likelow birth"
 * there seem to be some "date" issues in a handful of your citations
 * words like "moreover" "thus" "this supports" "furthermore" are all scholarly/argumentation type words that we want to edit out of here otherwise this page may get a flag saying it reads like a paper or a report.
 * overall, though, I'm feeling pretty confident about this
 * i'd like to get a sense of the logic of how you organized the middle part; this part may raise some questions overall, it may not... but we can discuss
 * Also I think making time to link TO your page from related pages will make a HUGE impact on reach