User talk:Khoff17/sandbox

User:Khoff17

Peer Review -	No slang is used -	No “I” or “You” language is used -	Try to be more concise with only using necessary words, rather than embellishment and common phrases -	Be more specific on where examples and references are from, such as the elevator and stair reference -	Avoid temporary expressions that are not specific enough for claims -	Provide a deeper explanation to titles like “Supervisors” (provide a definition possibly) -	Be more specific about what studies show the claims made -	Instead of saying things like “quite often” be more specific; add in a statistic or fact from a source -	Look for more info to cite the types of jobs men are dominating over women -	Instead of generally stating things likes, “According to this article…” be more specific as the who said it or what article included it -	Instead of “weasel phrases” like the general “Studies show…” be more specific as to what study -	There are multiple citations from credible sources used -	Avoids general statements about large groups of people -	Reduce wordiness and fill-in phrases -	“Not only are males taking power from women in more female oriented jobs, but they are rising to the top more steadily than females.” For example, who said this? What is the source?

overall this article is well written so far

Aklei14 (talk) 13:21, 27 October 2015 (UTC)