User talk:Kimcastillo/sandbox

Peer Review of De'VIA Article
The article on De'VIA art provides a comprehensive overview of the topic. The lead section is clear and on topic, and the different sections talk about relevant information. The final sentence of the lead states that “Since its official designation as a genre, De'VIA has helped to introduce the Deaf experience to the artistic world and give a new platform to the Deaf community.”. It would be great to have more information about this in an additional section below. How has the artistic world reacted to De'VIA art, if at all? Has De'VIA helped raise awareness of Deaf culture? How has that impacted the Deaf community?

The sources are reliable, although it would be interesting to see more works cited, or to include a “further reading” list where people can find additional information.

For the section “De'VIA Themes”, I suggest changing the title to “De'VIA Categories”, which would allow you to expand on it and talk about themes within each category. For instance, this is an interesting article that talks about themes that Miller and DuPour have touched on in their art within both the Resistance and Affirmation categories: https://www.rit.edu/ntid/dccs/dada/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/patti2.pdf I'm not entirely certain that this is the best approach for this section, but it is one suggestion.

In the “De'Via Motifs” section, I suggest adding links to example art works for each of the motifs, especially the four most prevalent themes (eyes, hands, ears, mouth). I would also like to know more information about the final sentence, which reads “In most cases, these symbols are used to communicate a message concerning the communication of Deaf people among each other or in interactions within the hearing world.” This is informative, but it might leave readers wanting more information about the ways in which Deaf people communicate with each other, or with the hearing world. I suggest adding detail for clarity.

In the “Notable De'VIA Works” section, under “Ameslan Prohibited”, I suggest explaining the term 'Ameslan', as it is an old term and some readers may not be familiar with what it refers to. Additionally, I suggest adding at least one notable work from each of the signatories of De'VIA, or any other works from other artists that have risen to prominence since the time the Manifesto was written.

Overall, the article provides a good foundation on De'VIA's origins, intent and founding members. Adding relevant detail will improve the quality of the article. One other area you might want to look at is the ways in which Deaf poets have used the De'VIA manifesto and incorporated it into their work. They are also visual artists in the sense that ASL poetry is inherently visual; it cannot be experienced without looking at it. This is something that I have been considering incorporating into the ASL Literature article as well. Here is an article analyzing ASL poetry through the lens of the De'VIA manifesto: https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/145021505.pdfJennagc (talk) 00:43, 21 March 2019 (UTC)

Halle's Peer Review
This is a super well-organized, very clear delineation of the history and components of De’VIA art! Overall, it flows really well and seems to contain everything I need to have a good understanding of the subject. There are a few minor tweaks that I might suggest, which I’ll expand on below.

The lead section is great; it’s well cited and comprehensive, without going into too much detail and becoming redundant. The only thing that struck me was that the sentence describing the De’VIA Manifesto doesn’t cite the manifesto, but rather a different, summary-type source. This isn’t necessarily a problem, just something that surprised me since you already have the original document in your references.

The summary of the criteria is clear and informative, and it’s great that you draw the distinction between De’VIA and Deaf Art. The Signatories section is also well laid-out, though I am left to assume that the single citation at the end applies to the whole list.

In the paragraph dealing with themes, the information is great; my only concern with this section is the phrasing. A few times, there are statement made that seem to skew towards one perspective, which would be cleared up by attributing the claims to someone other than yourself. While yeah, we totally agree that Deaf people have been “oppressed, colonized, and marginalized,” the article tone would be a bit more balanced if you made the simple switch from the word “been oppressed” to “felt oppressed,” just to keep yourself as the author distanced from the topic. This type of perspective shows up a few more times, and while I definitely wouldn’t consider it bias, it still contributes to a slightly skewed tone; a few adjustments in phrasing would eliminate that completely.

The Notable Works section is a cool inclusion, I like the short analysis of each piece. If you wanted to, you could even add a couple more; I’m sure there are lots on influential De’Via works that people want to hear about. Beyond that, my only other suggestion would be to add a See Also section, if you wanted to. It could include links to the topics that you bring up throughout the article, such as audism, eugenics, oralism, Deaf Culture, Deaf Art, even ASL itself. Other than these few minor suggestions, though, I think this is a great, thorough, and well-organized article! Halled (talk) 14:32, 23 March 2019 (UTC)

Rotceh's Peer Review
I really enjoyed reading your article draft and I think you have a very solid start here! I also think that creating a Wiki page for this is a great idea and I am glad that it is being represented.

Starting off with the lead section, I think it is very strong as it gives me a solid understanding of what will be discussed in the article. This is something minor and may just be a personal stylistic decision but in the section "De'VIA Manifesto Signatories", but the first and the last sentence seem a bit repetitive to me when you mention that the following list are artists who attended the workshop.

In the section De'VIA Themes, I would suggest to maybe link some of the other wiki pages (such as Cochlear Implants, Mainstreaming, etc) like you did earlier when you mentioned "CODA". Additionally, possibly rephrasing to maintain a more neutral tone. For example, you use the word "negative themes", however that may just be one perspective. Another example is the statement that "deaf people have been oppressed". While we understand that and few that as a fact, to others this may be viewed as a one-sided and biased statement. I know it can be challenging, especially considering how much we have learned about oppression, and audism in our deaf studies classes, but as a wiki article, it may be good to present the other side of De'VIA. Maybe think about are there other perspectives that aren't present here?

I also really like how you included the Notable De'VIA works section. I know you linked the pieces, but I would even suggest inserting pieces as images so you can see them on the article if possible. I also noticed that you used the same resource for all the pieces (and for the De'VIA motifs sections too), while it seems like a very thorough analysis and sources, I think it may be helpful to look at other sources to help maintain a more balanced and neutral article (although I know it may be challenging to find). Overall, the article is very clear and easy to follow and it does a great job of explaining De'VIA to someone who may have never heard of it. I'm looking forward to reading the finished piece!rvg 05:10, 25 March 2019 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by RotcVG (talk • contribs)

Suggestions
Really nice job on the article! You might think about filling in the section on motifs a little bit more. What do each of these elements symbolize? Are there themes in how they are used?

Here are a couple of references that might be helpful: https://scholarworks.rit.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1395&context=article https://www.rit.edu/ntid/dccs/dada/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/My-Experience-as-an-Artist.pdf https://anthrosource.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1525/var.2000.15.2.20Ncaselli (talk) 00:47, 30 April 2019 (UTC)