User talk:Kimmietran/sandbox

Hi Kimmie, Great evaluation for your article on trafficking. This will help guide your editing journey across the semester. You have a lot of potential articles to choose from for your sector, so which one will you go forward with? Let me know. Feel free to edit each one in some capacity if you have the time and energy for it! -Momo Sumomox4nouchi (talk) 02:14, 8 February 2019 (UTC)sumomox4nouchi

Logan Snyder's Evaluation of Drafting
Hey Kimmie! Your drafting was done very well. The tone it kept was done very well and brought up thoughtful critiques of the history of trafficking. The tone was consistently neutral which was nice. Something I'd look into is the shortcoming and holes of modern policy against contemporary stats of trafficking. I would also consider the flow of each line of data. You bring up good points, but I feel that there could be more done to bridge the sentences you make or structure them so that more similar data you mentioned leads to more relevant data. I might feel this way due to being used to essays but it still feels kinda blocky. Great job with bringing a new perspective into a much-needed topic! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Logan Snyder (talk • contribs) 21:41, 11 April 2019 (UTC)

Anna's Peer Review
Hi Kimmie, just right off the bat, I would like to say that the mission of your PE organization is one that I really would enjoy to read more about, so I’m quite excited for your finished Wikipedia page! However, one issue that I can see right off the bat would be using ‘CSEC’ as an acronym without first writing out what it stands for. For a general audience, this would eliminate any confusion, and it would be a good practice to take forth into your writing as you begin to flesh out more of your article.

To go more into the draft section of your article, a lot of the work you have done is fantastic, but most of what is already there is fragmented. They’re all worded fairly well, but they don’t seem to lead into the next point very well. I understand that’s a part of the drafting process, but I just wanted to throw that out there as something to keep in mind. However, with that point, I believe that you could further divide this article into subsections based on some of the points you already have outline. I’ll paste a couple that I really liked and offer up suggestions below.

“Due to the young age of the survivors, the methods utilized are centered on providing resources, education, support, and other services.” I wanted to highlight this point, because I think it has a lot of potential to add another layer of depth into your article. There are various methods that you can approach this and how to expand it, but hopping onto my earlier point, I would make this into its own sub-section. You can really expand on each of the methods that you listed here and go more into depth about how they are utilized. For example, you can provide examples of resources given, the shape they take when given, and what organizational entities provide them. I think that would be a cool way to make this less abstract and would allow your readers to better visualize what you are writing about. “In the 1970s, there were women organizing for and against the sex trade, one group who want to eliminate prostitution and the other argued for women's right to control their bodies. The different groups varied in their approaches which include: law and order approach, human rights approach, and harm reduction and protection.” This part is extremely interesting to me, but as it is now, it’s leaving me wanting more. Would there be a way for you to expand on each of these approaches and also provide an example of how each of them were used? I believe this could even be made into its own sub-section, as it allows for a lot of room to expand, in terms of information and the details that can be added in here. Additionally, if there are names to specific groups that adopt one of these approaches or that have become very influential as a result of their work, they would make great examples. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Annajulia.se (talk • contribs) 22:21, 11 April 2019 (UTC)