User talk:Kknguy2/sandbox

Rough Draft Edit/Review Ecgree6 (talk)
Bold = Additions/revisions, Parentheses= deletions

Shannon Vallor is a philosopher of technology at Santa Clara University in Santa Clara, California. She is presently the William J. Rewak, S.J. Professor, and chair of the philosophy department. She is president of the Society for Philosophy and Technology, and an executive board member of the Foundation for Responsible Robotics. [Shannon Vallor is a scholar of (for) the Markkula Center for Applied Ethics'''. Together, Vallor and esteemed Princeton computer scientist, Arvind Narayanan created (, through which she co-created) a free, online module called An Introduction to Software Engineering Ethics . (, along with Princeton computer scientist Arvind Narayanan.) She also''' received the Brutocao Award for Teaching Excellence at Santa Clara University in September of 2015.] She was given the World Technology Award in Ethics in 2015, and has authored numerous articles on ethical issues in emerging technology, as well as a book, "Technology and the Virtues: A Philosophical Guide to a Future Worth Wanting".

Overall, you add some relevant information to the article. You did a good job of building on Vallor's past accolades and accomplishments; this is information that everyone should certainly know, and information that wasn't present before you inserted it, so good job there. I do think there is room to perhaps improve your encyclopedic tone as well as add more to the topic in general. Shannon Vallor is a pretty general area of discussion, so maybe you could talk more about her beliefs and ideas that she addresses in her articles and teachings. This is something that I think will be easy to find, and will be beneficial to the article as the readers will be able to better understand her as a whole. You're off to a great start, though, and I enjoyed reading your additions. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ecgree6 (talk • contribs) 16:45, 29 March 2017 (UTC)

Peer Review
I think the details that you have contributed to the article are important, they increase the readers knowledge and understanding of Vallor. Your writing is clear and unbiased; however, I would increase the general specificity. For example, in talking about her online module, I would recommend adding specifically what the online module is, how it is used, any possible reviews from outside scholars, etc. I think this will allow your article to be more in depth. Similarly, I think it would be beneficial to add a small summary of each of the works that are listed. I think this would allow the reader to get a better understanding of her work and her general ideas and arguments. You could either give this information by adding the summaries or having a new section that covers her main ideas. Overall, I agree that you are off to a great start.Mizamor (talk) 19:24, 29 March 2017 (UTC) Mizamor

Instructor Comments
Hi Karen -- you have a really good start here. I think your sentence in the opening paragraph is good info (see below for changes in grammar), and your bibliography will be a good addition to the page. However, I agree with the peer reviews above -- the bio could really use a section on what her main ideas are as a theorist (which we also discussed you doing in a meeting). You can easily add a section with the header "Research Areas" with a few sentences 1) summarizing the areas of her research in general (easily found in her educational bio pages I'm sure) and 2) summarizing the main points of her book we read in class (go back to the introduction to that work). There also needs to be more background on her education -- where does she have degrees from? Where has she taught? This stuff can typically be found on scholars' university webpages, or on their CV (which they usually have posted for download somewhere online if not their university profile). It looks like there are a few standard categories for bio pages -- maybe the whole bio should be re-arranged to fit that model. Take a look at these:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eva_Kittay https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sara_Ruddick https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linda_Mart%C3%ADn_Alcoff

I think the organization for Vallor's page could go something like this:

Opening: could be 1-2 sentences, the ones it already opens with -- philosopher of technology at x university

Education and Career: needs to include where she went to school, where she has taught (this is work you should do) and all the other positions she holds -- can put the rest of the existing paragraph here

Research Areas

Publications: the list you have gathered

Evan already gave you some edits on this sentence, but I'm going to perfect it even further:

Shannon Vallor is also a scholar at the Markkula Center for Applied Ethics, where she and Princeton computer scientist Arvind Narayanan created a free, online module called "An Introduction to Software Engineering Ethics." [make sure to include quotes around title of module, and to include a citation to where you found this information]

--Jmstew2 (talk) 15:18, 4 April 2017 (UTC)