User talk:Kmvasquez/sandbox

Hkim856 (talk) 16:37, 19 October 2018 (UTC) I see that you're still working on this draft, so here are a few suggestions. 1) You can make it clear where your draft would be placed (i.e. an existing article on Kpop advertisement?) and what other articles are relevant to yours. Making a link to the existing information would be great. 2) You might want to elaborate more on what specific expectations are imposed upon idols. The current paragraph is not clearly organized.

"Female idols have a look they are expected to follow; This consists of making their femininity pop, beautiful clothing, a graceful aura, etc" --> you could detail what these criteria actually are "When idols, male and female, challenge these expectations, they are likely to receive backlash for their actions. For example, 2AM’s Jo Kwon would often exhibit feminine appearances which in turn, made him a big topic of discussion.[1]" --> this example doesn't speak to the idea overall, perhaps you could change the topic sentence above?
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I think that overall the topic you have chosen is great, but your article is just a little confusing (which may just be the fact that it's not clear where each part will be placed under the "Korean Idols in Advertising" article that already exists). The second paragraph doesn't seem to really fit in since it doesn't really talk about advertising, but I think if you maybe explained it more and how it relates to advertising it could make it clearer to the reader. Like maybe discuss certain ads Jo Kwon has been in that may have challenged the typical gender expectations. I also think adding more sources/facts will definitely help your article reach it's full potential! Stlamers (talk) 03:43, 30 October 2018 (UTC)