User talk:Ksullivan0/Climate change in the Philippines

Edit Plan
For this article I plan to add a paragraph on land grabs following the "Agricultural production and civil conflict" paragraph. Ksullivan0 (talk) 17:52, 21 March 2022 (UTC)

On section "Land Grabs"
Remove “Land in the Philippines has been conventionally viewed through an economic or social lens, but.” Begin the paragraph at “As development…” (remind me in class to fix the citation in this sentence.) You can consider begin the paragraph with one sentence using source 6 (Gilson). Write about how land grabs is a common issue in all ASEAN countries, including the Philippines. The last two sentences are good (add a reference to typhoon Haiyan in the sentence). The point on the Philippine Coconut Authority (esp. w the hyperlink) is great. However, do not recite source 7. Rewrite this sentence to provide more specifics about this case (like you did in the last two sentences). What did they do (when, where) in engaging with land grabs? What source for the PCA was cited in source 7. You can recite it.

The following source might be also relevant to your topic: Larsen, Rasmus Kløcker, Francisca R. Dimaano, and Michael D. Pido. "Can the Wrongs be Righted? Prospects for Remedy in the Philippine Oil Palm Agro‐industry." Development and Change 50, no. 5 (2019): 1373-1397.

Revise phrases like Philippine Agriculture (=> agricultural sector in the Philippines); “Climate change impacts Philippine Agriculture through rising sea levels and extreme weather events, and these changes erase physical boundaries on land, opening these areas to new markets.” (Suggested revision=> In some areas in the Philippines, climate change impacts, especially rising sea levels and extreme weather events, have erased physical boundaries on agricultural land, making it vulnerable to land grabbing.” Hieup (talk) 15:07, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup

Full Draft Feedback
Congratulations for your contribution to our Wikipedia project. Before moving your article live, please leave a message to your peer reviewer and check the following suggestions: Love your added section. Thanks. Please reply YES to acknowledge that you read my message. Hieup (talk) 00:14, 6 April 2022 (UTC)hieup
 * If you didn't edit the lead section, please remove it from your Sandbox Draft.
 * "As development progresses and agricultural land is converted to industry the Philippines has the issue of land grabs and developmental priorities burdening the community." ==> This sentence is supported by a reference (Kelly's article) that analyzes a case study of land conversion in Manila. I would rewrite this sentence into two. E.g.: "Like other developing countries, The Philippines have witnessed rapid change in the country's land tenure. For instance, studies have shown that development politics have driven efforts to convert land for rice cultivation into land that would be used for expanding industrialization and urbanization in Metropolitan Manila.[Here you can cite Kelly's source]"
 * "In some areas in the Philippines, climate change..." => Move the phrase "in some areas in The Philippines" towards the end of the sentence. Also add "even more" to the phrase: "making it [even more] vulnerable to land grabbing"
 * "The Philippines is one of the most popular countries for land grabbing, leading to different businesses and authorities such as the Philippine Coconut Authority occupying vast amounts of land." ==> Suggested revised: "As a hotspot of land grabbing, the Philippines sees the rise of large businesses and authorities like Philippine Coconut Authority who have occupied vast amounts of land in [???]"


 * Yes. Thank you so much for your feedback! Ksullivan0 (talk) 01:25, 6 April 2022 (UTC)