User talk:Ktfleuriet/sandbox

Draft Feedback
Ktfleuriet and Meganjeanfreau, I will send you feedback via email. Please look over it sooner rather than later. Please include Shannonacosta as the email didn't get sent to her - I accidentally sent it before I added all of your group members. Transunicorn (talk) 16:15, 24 October 2015 (UTC)

Ktfleuriet and Meganjeanfreau Shannonacosta So after reading you guys articles, my suggestion for your article are written below 1. In today’s society, pornography is often mixed in with advertisement, it is so “normal” that people don’t even recognize it as porn. 2. delete [There are so] Some form of pornography is often shown in commercials and magazine ads in which half-naked men and women are being used to sell particular items. 3. In her documentary "Killing Us Softly 4" (internal link), Jean Kilbourne (internal link) talks about eight topics that present issues of sex, gender, and sexuality. One topic, in particular, is the blurring of pornography and advertisement. Companies often degrade men and/or women to increase sales on their products. This tactic is overseen, since it is seen as normal in society. ***add pictures of advertisements/possible external links??*** Okay so your tone is okay, but i think that you all should go more into detail and connect more with your readers. Also i notice that at the the beginning you guys had some very short and incomplete sentences, so look out for that too. Another thing is citation use more of kilbourne quotes, or quotes from your other sources. Darrelynn Hunter 13:20, 27 October 2015 (UTC) • According to "Stoppornculture.org" 20% of American men admit accessing pornography while at work. [citation] • Every 39 minutes a new porn film is created in the United States. [citation] • 70% of all Internet porn traffic occurs during workdays (9am-5pm) (Sex Tracker, 2012). • Stoppornculture.org stated that, "88.2% of top rated porn scenes contain aggressive acts". [citation] • The porn industry makes more money than Hollywood. [need to add more to this sentence how much more of difference do they make?] • They also make more than The National Football League, The National Basketball Association and Major League Baseball combined and more than NBC, CBS, and ABC combined. In addition, they have larger revenues than the top technology companies (Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo, Apple and Netflix) combined (IFR, 2006).

With the statics section, i think that you are on the right track, just needs more detailed information, and citation. find more reliable sources in order to get more factual information. But this is really great start!

Darrelynn Hunter 13:03, 27 October 2015 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Dhunt15 (talk • contribs)

Ktfleuriet “In today’s society, pornography is often mixed in with advertisement. It is so “normal” that people don’t even recognize it as porn. There are so many commercials and ads with half-naked men and women. For example, in Killing Us Softly 4 (internal link), Jean Kilbourne (internal link) talks about eight topics that present issues of sex, gender, and sexuality. One topic, in particular, is the blurring of pornography and advertisement. Companies often degrade men and/or women to increase sales on their products. This tactic is overseen, since it is seen as normal in society.” --The two red sentences are basically saying the same thing. (The red went away, but the second sentence and the last sentence is the two I'm asking about) --Under that stats section, you need make sentences.

“Greeks and Romans left behind hundreds of sexually explicit images, sculptures and frescoes lining the walls of brothels, bathhouses and common households [1]. This is the first generation of porn, which dates back over 25,000 years. Over the years, porn grew however getting material out to the public during this time was not easy. Around 1440, porn quickly found its home in literature and in 1839 the early version of the photograph was introduced. This was the first time where technology was used for porn purposes. The 70s is when porn in popular films and commercials began to increase dramatically. However, when the worldwide web hit, the world of porn changed forever. The first porn site went up in 1994[2]. With the growth of technology, porn can be easily accessed and has increased dramatically over the years.” --With this being said (growth in technology) you can add how almost everyone has a smartphone that has Internet access where it is easy to watch porn at any time in any place. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Brycekinler (talk • contribs) 13:17, 27 October 2015 (UTC) Brycekinler (talk) 13:23, 27 October 2015 (UTC)