User talk:Kzoup/sandbox

Proposal comments from Rosie:
This is a good plan, just the right amount of work for this course project. I think the sections about individual countries don't really belong under the 'History' heading. You should probably create a new heading for them (something like 'Information about Specific Countries'). What Wikipedia pages will you link to, and what other pages will you create new links on to this page or section? Do you plan on also improving the terrible writing on the rest of the page? (If you can tell that the writing is bad, then you're expert enough to fix it.) Might you be able to think of one image to accompany this section? Rosieredfield (talk) 00:40, 6 February 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Wasin:
The multiple references for regulation is interesting and useful. This article is very well cited and written. You addressed Rosie’s comments about individual countries not belonging in the History section but that means that other countries’ burial practices can be discussed under different headings. Good job commenting on the Talk page of Natural Burial. Now all that’s left to do is to take the initiative and include specific practices and locations like you said into the Natural Burial page and it would help clear up the Canadian section of the page.

You should try linking your page in relevant pages such as Natural Burial to create exposure. I wasn’t too sure what the topic was about initially, so adding a title and a ‘Lead’ summary section would help out your organization. The photos you put on are relevant and nice so consider adding a few more to brighten up the page.

Wasynical (talk) 04:03, 9 March 2017 (UTC)

Response from Karly: We don't have any pages linking to our page because ours is a continuation of a pre-existing page. I made sure to check if there were sufficient pages linking to the Natural Burials page we are adding to. Kzoup (talk) 21:20, 9 March 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Khiran:
Overall	organization and content: Are there any Aboriginal traditions of natural burial in Canada? It would be good to include a section on this if possible. There are lots of good external links and references, and it seems as though you’ve acted upon all of Rosie’s suggestions. I’d consider adding a section header entitled ‘Burial Organizations’ or something along those lines, seeing as much of your early text is about different burial associations, committees, etc… The page’s final sentence (“With growing interest…) seems out of place. Could you bring it to the beginning section? It certainly does not belong under the ‘Duffin Meadows Cemetery’ headline.

Integration with other Wikipedia pages:	 You seem to have linked to all the necessary pages, and your 'see also' section is great.

Standard Wikipedia page layout and organization: Considering that this entire page will become a sub-section of another page, your layout seems correct and all seems properly formatted.

Writing quality: Just one small point of confusing or awkward wording - “Consumers would be able to distinguish between the three different levels of green burial grounds and their appropriate standards”. You might want to replace ‘could’ with ‘are’, or, if I interpreted correctly, begin the sentence with “Environmental certificates allow consumers to distinguish between…”.

Illustrations: Good photos. I’d be hesitant to add any more, just because this is already a sub-section of another wiki. Khiranoneill (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 19:57, 17 March 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Tamara:
Overall Organization and Content: Such an interesting topic, I had no idea this was practised in different countries. - I have heard of this as an Islamic burial practice -maybe something to add to the main wiki. Also, it seems that in most of the cemeteries/burial parks, embalming and the use of grave markers is not permitted - you could summarize this in the intro paragraph stating why this is the case as it might not be as obvious to the readers. Integration with other wiki pages: your 'see also' section is very well done. Standard Wikipedia page layout and organization: All good here - you have an extensive references section! Writing quality: Generally well written, I would briefly explain what 'interment' means in the Canada introduction as well as 'shroud' under the 'Royal Oak Burial Park' paragraph. Illustrations: these are great, I wouldn't add any more as this is only a sub-section in the main page.

Comments from Matthew:
Overall organization and content - Ideas are presented in an orderly fashion with Canada's main burial practices listed first and followed up by certain organizations that overlook such practices. User also gives a brief history statement on the main organizations which is interesting and can lead to more useful links in Wikipedia. User has taken initial suggestions from Ruth and Rosie by adding visuals to the section, which are also taken from credible sources and allowed for public use.

Integration with other Wikipedia pages - Section includes many appropriate links to existing Wikipedia pages, many of which are terms that the general public can go to and learn more about if they do not fully understand the meaning behind such terms.

Standard Wikipedia page layout and organization - Sections headings seem to be in the right places with the following subsections underneath, many headings are bold to emphasize the name. This looks great in terms of their section, however, in the original page many of the organizations, such as the ones in the "United States" subsection are not bold, which can be inconsistent to original page when adding a sub section. User has already commented on how poorly the orignical page was written, so if user is willing, they can format the rest of the original page to keep it consistent with the format user has in their sandbox.

Writing quality & Illustrations - Writing quality is adequate and provides many links to technical terms or terms that the general public may be unfamiliar with. Illustrations add more depth to some of the parks that are mentioned and give more personal connections to viewers.

m477ch4n (talk) 05:01, 21 March 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Rosie
These comments are quite minor, since this is already an excellent article section:


 * Might you be able to find a suitable open picture of kinds of coffins or shrouds? You could add this to an appropriate place in the min article (needn't be in the Canada section).
 * For the first sentence ("There is a wide range of...', move mention of Canada to the beginning of the sentence. (e.g. Canada offers a wide range of...")
 * The Green Burial Council info may duplicate that available under the "United States" heading. Edit both as you think appropriate.
 * Don't say that the Green Burial Society 'claims that their goal is', unless you have reason to doubt this claim. Instead just describe the goal they describe.
 * The Royal Oaks section's sentence beginning "Embalming is prohibited..." has syntax problems - make sure all parts of it use the same subject.

Rosieredfield (talk) 21:23, 23 March 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Ruth
I just have one extra comment!
 * I think this should be a page itself, rather than just a subsection. It seems more page like (which is a good thing!) But if you decide to do this make sure to edit the original page's Canada section to redirect to your page.

RuthVancouver (talk) 23:22, 24 March 2017 (UTC)