User talk:Lakecl/sandbox

Judy Sullivan was the lead biomedical engineer for the Apollo 11 spacecraft. Sullivan started her career as a science and math teacher, she joined the NASA team in 1966 (Patrinos 2019).

Patrinos, Thalia. “Judy Sullivan, Lead Engineer for the Apollo 11 Biomedical System.” NASA, NASA, 9 July 2019, www.nasa.gov/image-feature/judy-sullivan.

The title is short and simple, which is good because it will grab the reader's eye. The first sentence is direct and useful because you describe who Judy Sullivan is and the purpose of your article. The lead section is good because it is a condensed summary of your article. It was also nice because you mentioned everything in your lead, in your paper. You wrote everything in your own words and did not copy any sources. You use simple language throughout your article which is nice because it makes it easier to read. The article lets the reader decided things for themselves because you base your information on facts. Your format meets the Wikipedia format. Your article needs to be reviewed for grammar errors. Your picture adds a nice aspect to your article because it makes it seem relevant. You site reliable sources because they are not blog posts but textbooks and journals. Overall, your article is well put together and just needs to be reviewed for grammar errors. You did a very nice job!Maggie2023 (talk) 20:15, 4 December 2019 (UTC)

Edits from makenna
The first sentence is direct and tells the reader exactly who Judy is.

Add to the lead section, little more information on who Judy was/is.

In the subsection work at NASA the first sentence needs revised.

3rd sentence in the subsection work at NASA.. Judy had little to no communication with the astronauts once they were launched into space even though she was in charge of what was happening with the astronauts (or them).

Add a table with all the shows Judy stared in. Swaneyms (talk) 19:10, 23 October 2019 (UTC)