User talk:Lalitjha

The Other Half: How to love and be loved more deeply than you thought possible
Description: Love is at the center of our world. Our songs extol it, our movies dissect it, our lives are built around it. All of us want it, but few of us take a hard look at what love actually is and how to be good at it. When we do take a deep look, we usually find an impossible ideal that sounds great but can’t be put into practice. This short, easy to read book bridges that gap. It presents an honest look at what love truly is and how to be an extraordinary friend or lover, then it breaks it down into easy, realistic steps that anyone can follow. Being genuinely good at love and relationships is not hard, but it takes clarity and practice. This book cuts through the confusion and shows you how to love and be loved more deeply than you thought possible.

Audience: Idealistic teens and college students, unschoolers, self-identified liberals, thirtysomething single women, personal improvement types.

Section 1: Laying the Foundation True union is the goal Loving is about merging with the other person. It can happen, but not like we think. You create love Love is something you create, not others; people loving back just makes it better.Love is a limitless resource.

You never run out of love, so no need to hoard or ration it. One love grows another It isn’t a competition! Loving builds capacity and makes you more loving in other relationships. Everyone is unique so no relationship threatens another.Relationships never can replace each other because nobody can replace the individual loved. Forget labels Defining how you can love and how deeply you can love only is an impediment to loving. Strong heart, not hidden heart Vulnerability is essential, and surviving it comes from building the strength to be vulnerable.

Section 2: Falling in Love Let yourself love. Look for love in every relationship. It is there to be found. Find the child in the person True love is finding the person’s changeless essence, not loving their actions or qualities. Role of the crush is kindling Crushes help you stay interested while you discover the real parts to love. Empathy is the pathway to love Don’t stop until you feel you could have made the same decisions in their shoes. Strangers are loved ones not yet known Start from the assumption you will love the person. Almost every loved one is a stranger at first. No outgroups! Redefine the family Everyone is someone’s relative. Redefine family so everyone is in your family. Start with easy people Love grows on itself, so start by loving people who you find easy to love.

Section 3: Being in Relationship The union matters, not the form Coming together is the point, the form the relationship takes can vary by circumstance. Forget the “I” and become the other person Let the other person live in you and become you. Merge with them and forget the “I”. Put it all on the table and come to shared understandings Put all the facts and perspectives on the table and discover right and wrong together. Don’t possess those you love You don’t possess yourself, so you can’t possess those you love (not a problem if commitment). It isn’t your life, it isn’t their life You affect their life and they affect yours. Give them a say and expect one in their life. Loving is accepting We accept even what we don’t like about ourselves, so we have to accept others the same. The Difference between accepting and agreeing Accepting and agreeing are different things. Accept always or you invite secrets. No secrets. Period. Coming together requires total honesty. Secrets are for people who don’t accept you. Forgive but don’t be stupid Accept everything but deal appropriately with cancerous behavior—ideally together.

Section 4: Staying in Relationship Commitment is the most important ingredient Commitment is needed to feel safe. Commit to care enough to always work with the person. Jealousy is the fear of loss Jealousy is the fear of losing a connection with someone. Listen to it and prove it unfounded. People never stop changing People grow, so relationships always are evolving. Hold onto the changeless and expect change. Sex is an expression Sex just is an expression. It can mean everything or nothing. Don’t let it confuse you. Love vs. practicality Relationships are mix of love and the practical. Love fully but base relationship on the practical. Time is limited even if love is not We only have 24 hours for all our loved ones, but it can work if you work on it together. Covert loving Love silently and subtly when a person rejects your love. When others don’t love enough Most people limit how much they can love and share. Accept it and gently help them love more. You can't fall out of love A person’s essence is changeless, so you can dislike actions but you can never fall out of love. Better to love and lose than never love at all Connecting through love is the best thing in the world, even if you eventually lose the person.