User talk:LanceGreen15/sandbox

As with the other article I peer reviewed, I liked what you had to add to the article, but try to make your sentences flow into each other more, rather than simply having repeated disjoint statements of facts. I also noticed what I believe is an erroneous extra reference to Nyhagen's work. Finally, I didn't feel that the section on 'Sri or Laksmi', as you put it, feels very relevant to the topic of the page the way that you wrote it. Perhaps instead of simply giving a surface-level description of the goddess, you could explain in some detail why you believe that her existence in Hinduism is important? Undeemiss (talk) 17:45, 17 November 2020 (UTC)

Page Feedback – I like the information you added, I feel like it filled in many of the gaps in the original article. My first suggestion would be to write with more concise language. Wiki articles are usually very tight with word count. I also think that when talking about each specific religion, maybe make an overall statement about how many deities are in the religion. Rbriggs1 (talk) 04:29, 24 November 2020 (UTC)

Silenceslay Peer Review

I think the information you added is very much important for the topic of the article and can add a lot more to it. I do feel like you could go more in-depth in the Christianity portion. In addition, maybe adding a more general lead about deities and their general role in religion can help start broad so you can focus on those specific religions later on in the passage. You don't have to explain each religion within the lead, more so like explaining the gender of deities as they are presented in a general sense in religion. I think the wording is fine, though I would consider adding some additional connecting phrases like, "in addition", "furthermore" Thus" "While" "however" just so it doesn't feel like blocks of information and readers can better follow your train of thought more naturally. Also, I'd like to add that you did a very good job of staying neutral-toned throughout the passage. The only suggestions I would make would to make sure you go in-depth an equal amount for each religion as to better inform readers and maintain an unbiased view. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Silenceslay (talk • contribs) 22:32, 3 December 2020 (UTC)