User talk:Laurenabb/sandbox

Good overview of the page "Singular they." There seems to be a lot of discussion on the talk page regarding improving the article, should you decide to go in this direction for your course page. Jlbrandt (talk) 19:59, 19 February 2018 (UTC)

Lyndsey's Peer Review
The first thing that one notices on Halsey's page is the informational sidebar, including a picture of the singer. This sidebar provides an accurate representation of her with her name, birthdate and place, genre of music, job, labels, and her website. One question I have here is -- is it possible to switch where the occupation and genre are on this sidebar? I think it may make more sense to have the occupation before the genre on the sidebar. Just an idea, since usually one would think of the occupation first (as a singer) and then what genre she works in.

I think that the lead section contains a lot of good information, but perhaps some of it could be put into other categories/sections on the page since the lead section is quite lengthy. For example, I like that it includes what her name is a reference to, but perhaps this could be in a different section because it isn't a piece of information that a reader needs to automatically know upon reading the first few sentences of her page. Furthermore, the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs of the lead could be moved into her career section since they are very elaborative. Although it is very cool and "popular" information, the lead is meant to be easy to understand and provide a quick snapshot of her article including the MOST important things, not go into all the detail. For example, it might be useful to just list the names of her albums instead of going into who she has toured with and her history with the billboards. Maybe this is common for artist pages to highlight the "big things" in their career, so by all means, completely disregard me if this is normal!

The early life section also has a lot of good information that gives a basic overview of her background, but I have a few questions here. 1) "She is the daughter of Nicole" sounds awkward, because who is Nicole? Who is Chris? As in, are these names relevant, or would it be better to say "her mother works for..." and just describing her parents background (which also may not even be relevant since after all, this is an article about Halsey) 2) If Halsey no longer identifies as "tri-bi" saying that she doesn't like the term anymore, perhaps this also is irrelevant to mention. 3) Her relationship with G-Eazy could be mentioned in the sidebar, but it sounds a little out of place since "early life" isn't the best section header for her current dating situation.

The career section is the best section on the page, especially since it contains the most information. There are a few issues, though: 1) Her dating a man addicted to heroin perhaps isn't relevant to her career unless she explicitly said it was somewhere (shaped her as a person, etc.) 2) "Kicked out of her home by her parents" could be worded to sound less harsh...kicked out is a strong phrase. 3) The second paragraph of the career section is very poorly cited. Every single statement should be cited, ESPECIALLY since they contain direct quotes from Halsey. Perhaps these are plagiarized. 4) Her involvement with the Women's March should be highlighted more in detail since this is a big "claim to fame" for her.

I struggle with the artistry section because again, I am no expert on music artist pages and their layouts, but it seems redundant to go into her entire career and music history and THEN go into what she grew up listening to with a lot of quotes from her. Are cuss words allowed on Wikipedia, also, since everyone has access to this? May be something to look into, even though they are directly her words.

The rest of the page logically makes sense since it is mostly just a snapshot of her tours and records.

Overall, the page has great content but has a lot of small issues, so it makes for a great project to work on. The coverage is mostly balanced and has a clear structure with neutral content, it's just a matter of adding and deleting some things and making sure that all sources are reliable since this article is heavily based off quotes from her. Good luck! Lyndseyclos (talk)Lyndsey

Celia's Peer Review
I love that this is the article you chose to add to, having just gone through the current article I think it gives a great overview of her career as a performer but not as a social justice activist, which obviously considering recent events is a huge part of her person. I think you handed the subject really well. Your second paragraph especially highlighted Halsey's contribution to the women's march and her personal traumas in a clear and concise manner.

The only changes I would suggest is you have a few sentences that sound like the belong in an academic essay rather than a wikipedia article, listed here: "Within society, a celebrity's voice is heard above others and recognized as legitimately significant in our media systems, they have the power to connect popular culture to political culture" I especially think this sentence would benefit from a source or statistic. While it's obviously true, it's also very analytical. I'd also clean up the grammar here because it reads like this is something Halsey might have said (if that's the case add quotations and again, source)

"Speeches prompted women to reflect and debate our underlying misogynistic and patriarchal societal values, Halsey read" Same problem here, no source and it's not universally true so I don't think it belongs in a wiki article. Also the grammar sounds kind of off.

Sexual assault victims felt connected and empowered by Halsey in the same way children identify with and implicitly trust their parents Same comment as above.

completes --> completed

And then just the line about New Your marchers feeling moved, I think the grammar needs to be cleaned there too. I think this change will be a huge improvement to the article. I wonder if later you might add if Halsey's done any other social activism work, or anything else she has done relating to the anti-sexual assault movement since her speech. I really liked all the quotes you included, that's something I want to go back to my article and see if it will benefit from those added direct quotations.

All in all, I'm super impressed and think you did a great job.

Ceradams (talk) 19:10, 28 March 2018 (UTC)