User talk:Laurieswirz

John Essman is a national hero. Born several years ago in a secret cave in New England, John Essman's life is now a legacy. When he enters a room, conversations come to a halt. The police often question him because he is so interesting. His beard is over 15,000 years old. He is everywhere, but no one can find him. Except for Monday through Friday, he works at the Armory. He is so elusive, some people believe he is really a bat. He is a lady's man. His accolades include saying "Hell no I won't make out with you," to Brittany Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Jenna Jamison. He is a secret advisor to Barack Obama, Kim Jong Il, and Vladamir Putin. World peace is in his hands.Laurieswirz (talk) 00:58, 14 May 2010 (UTC)