User talk:Lemdog

Welcome!

Hello, Lemdog, and welcome to Wikipedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. Unfortunately, one or more of the pages you created, such as Can a person jump into a pool with out going underwater, may not conform to some of Wikipedia's guidelines, and may soon be deleted.

There's a page about creating articles you may want to read called Your first article. If you are stuck, and looking for help, please come to the New contributors' help page, where experienced Wikipedians can answer any queries you have! Or, you can just type helpme on this page, and someone will show up shortly to answer your questions. Here are a few other good links for newcomers: I hope you enjoy editing here and being a Wikipedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes ( ~ ); this will automatically produce your name and the date. If you have any questions, check out Questions or ask me on my talk page. Again, welcome! Archaios (talk) 19:12, 4 September 2011 (UTC)
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I'm sorry if i offended you but this is my dream to be online and I'm only 11 thanks for ruining my dreams.

Warning
On Talk:Can a person jump into a pool with out going underwater you wrote So you should not delete this because if you do you will be commiting a federal crime according to the United States Constitution!!!!!!; please note that such threats run afoul of WP:NLT And that, if you repeat them, you might be indefinitely blocked. And, besides, Wikipedia being a private website is not bound by the first amendment. Salvio Let's talk about it! 19:34, 4 September 2011 (UTC)

Please stop your disruptive editing. If you continue to introduce inappropriate pages to Wikipedia, as you did at Can a person jump into a pool with out going underwater, you may be blocked from editing. If you need guidance on how to create appropriate pages, try using the Article Wizard. NawlinWiki (talk) 20:09, 4 September 2011 (UTC)

Funny poems
To my dear husband. No. Dear Chris. No, no. Dear Nick. Dear St. Nick. No. Dear Mr. Claus. I am so sorry it has come to this. We've been married for over a dozen centuries and yet somehow we've grown apart. Maybe it's the fact that you spend more time with your reindeer than you do with me. Or that you don't feel complete unless you are down in your workshop, slave-driving those poor elves.

(Continues speaking, but no longer writing. Feel free to move about.)

The rest of the world sees you as unceasingly jolly, a constant beacon of merriment. But they don't know the real Claus. Quiet. Sullen. A workaholic who drinks too much eggnog! And what about that bowl full of jelly you call a stomach? Maybe you should spend less time making a list and checking it twice and more time on the treadmill! I'm sorry. I don't mean to lash out. None of these things really matter. They aren't why I'm leaving you. The truth is, I've met someone new. It doesn't matter who it is. All that matters is how I feel when we spend time together, hiding Easter eggs and decorating chocolate rabbits. All that matters is that we're happy. And I truly hope that you can find happiness too. Maybe with the tooth fairy? She's always had a thing for you.

(Returns to writing.)

You have my blessing. Good bye, my husband. I'm leaving this note next to a glass of milk and some cookies for old time's sake. Farewell.

Now this is santa's Reply

Dear Mrs. Claus... Ever since you left me for the Easter Bunny, my life has become utterly meaningless. Without you, the North Pole truly is the loneliest place in the world. Without you by my side, there has been no one to keep me on my diet. I've gorged upon cookies and milk. I even stole Rudolph's carrots. I gobbled up the gingerbread house next door. The neighbors are furious. I've gotten so big, the reindeer have developed back problems. Thanks to me, the sled now exceeds its maximum capacity. I don't think I'll be able to clear the Rockies this Christmas Eve.

And I can't stop drinking. I've been going to Eggnog Anonymous meetings, but they just aren't helping. And I hesititate to mention how devastated the elves have been. They keep asking about you. So, as you can tell, without you, my life is ho-ho-horrible. Please come back to me. I don't care if you're naughty or nice. There's no one else I want underneath my mistletoe. Please come home.

this is from http://plays.about.com/od/comedymonologues/a/mrsclaus.htm and http://plays.about.com/od/comedymalemonologues/a/santareply.htm it is very funny!

Sorry
Hi, Lemdog, you'll likely not be pleased about this but I have suppressed a number of edits to your userspace which reveal too much personally identifiable information about yourself. I've done this per policy and for your own protection and safety on-line as you are a self-declared minor. I'm really sorry about that and I know it's annoying, but it's for the best. Please don't re-add it. For some useful information on privacy and safety, take a look at Guidance for younger editors. Thanks, and sorry for messing about with your pages - James F. (talk) 22:34, 4 October 2011 (UTC)