User talk:LightBrownTree/sandbox

Good work on citations, sentence structure is a bit choppy, probably due to working with more people. Try to blend it all together.

NoVAFanatic - Student at Northeastern! 13:27, 30 October 2018 (UTC)

On Neutrality
Intro/Summary:

Needs more info, very blunt and short.

History:

Seems neutral in language however I feel like there is some explanation needed on Rafael Trujillo because he is not super well known. It feels choppy, and there is no talk of Dominicans in Boston. It's about the Dominicans in the US as a whole, no talk of Bostonian Dominicans. Maybe talk about some of the immigration to Boston? I know you touch upon it in the demographic section, but this section seems distant and like it isnt a part of this article. Everything is very choppy and the ideas don't flow together.

Demographic:

I love this section. But have better sentence structure and more flow.

Institutions:

Ok, but needs a lot more info and analysis.

Notable People:

Interesting section to include, but needs to be longer too.

Comments
Overall, the article has a pretty neutral tone. However, I feel that you can elaborate more on how they have implemented their culture in Boston. Also, you can add more context in the history section like who was Rafael Trujillo and why did that cause so many people to leave the country. Try expanding the leading section a bit more as it doesn't really give enough insight in terms of everything that the article talks about.

-Ana

Notions and Opinions
The leading section is quite short and blunt. Perhaps there could be a introduction that gives the reader some background information. There is information in the History section that could be put in the introduction. For example, current statistics regarding the Dominican American population in America.

Regarding the notable people section of this article. It is stated that there are multiple Dominican Americans in the NBA, perhaps more examples other than al Holford should be given. Windycityassassin1 (talk) 13:38, 2 November 2018 (UTC)