User talk:Lisacalabro92/sandbox

Rebecca Allen (born 1954) is an American designer, artist, researcher, and educator, known for her research in the field of digital art and innovation. Starting in the 1970's, Allen started to compose works for computer imaging. This included still graphics, animation, television logos, music videos, video games, large-scale performance work, artificial life systems, and interactive installations.[1] She is a pioneer in the field of computer art, her work addresses humanizing technology.

This is a very well worded opening lead for Rebecca. The opening tackles all of her well known attributes as a successful individual.

Biography Section: She later received her master (M.S.) degree from the Architecture Machine Group Cite: Architecture Machine Group with this link https://www.the-artists.org/architecture-machine-group/

“After advancing in her academic carrier, spent two years working at Virgin Interactive Entertainment as a video game designer.[4]” Is carrier supposed to say career? Also, add - Allen spent two years working at Virgin Interactive Entertainment as a video game designer.[4] … so that there is a noun

This sentence, “Although, she chose to leave this position due to the working conditions at the time that did not allow her to expand her work, as stated in an interview with Erriki Hutamo.” Maybe rephrase: Allen chose to leave this position due to working conditions that didn’t allow her to experience new growth, as stated in an interview with Erriki Hutamo” The sentence you have sounds a bit run on.

Current sentence: “Also, she spent time working in the New York Institute of Technology. Specifically in the Computer Graphics Laboratory.[9]” Rephrase: “Allen spent time working in the Computer Graphics Laboratory at the New York Institute of Technology”

Work Section: Sentence: “...Nicholas Negroponte, Mary Lou Jepsen, Mark Foster, Michail Bletsas, V. Michael Bove,..” Do these individuals have wiki’s where you can link them? Also, cite where this info was claimed from at the end of the sentence “among many other artists” Emergence (1997-2001) [software used for The Bush Soul, Coexistence] “This PC-based software system was generated by Allen in the effort to design a piece that enabled interactive art.” Cite this claim. The totality of the “Works” section for the article is cited correctly and worded well. The claims made are unbiased, citations are correct, neutrality among the article. The article as a whole is very well written thus far, just review the feedback I provided and you are good to go. Senior2019 (talk) 01:19, 5 December 2019 (UTC) Senior19