User talk:Lisaphg/sandbox

Lisa's Peer Review
Hi Lisa,

Your article choices are very interesting!

Rep. of African American Women -Instead of saying "one of the most popular" I would just say "a popular manifestation of this..." -I would also combine the first and second paragraph or separate the information from the two paragraphs into three paragraphs with the different archetypes in separate paragraphs.

Hip-Hop Music -The sentence about Spelman College is confusing. Why would they cancel a service that helps people -Change focusing to focus in the second paragraph

Beauty Industry -"African American women have to change the appearance of their hair in order to fit European standards of beauty, even from a young age." I would take out even at a young age and create a second sentence discussing children changing their hair to fulfill European beauty standards. I feel like you can explain a little more about beauty salons. Add a few more sentences about them and their effects.

Reality Television -tell who Donnetrice Allison is for credibility

General tips/comments: -Make sure you capitalize Black every time -You have a very good set up -the hyperlinks are very helpful

Kcarter49 (talk) 23:10, 16 October 2018 (UTC)Kendall

Peer Review by Ingrid Bodeen
I really like how you mixed up your additions with adding more written information, rephrasing existing information and adding citations. I like how you've added examples to the different sections that didn't have any examples before including the one about the cancelled bone-marrow drive as a protest against rapper Nelly. I also like the addition of small details such as the inclusion of who Sue Jewell actually is (urban sociology researcher at the Ohio State University). The only thing I would suggest you be careful with is making sure you meet the 500 word count requirement for the assignment as I'm not too sure if you meet it so far. Maybe try and add a new section (for example, instead of just talking about reality TV elaborate on movies and TV also). Ingrid.bodeen (talk) 14:47, 22 October 2018 (UTC)