User talk:Lizzie.pip

Hi there I am not sure if i am in the right place to start talking here, as i am new to this. I assume and hope that all information given is confidential?.

I will try to make this as brief as possible!

I was a victim of a traumatic sexual assault which I have not and will not discuss with family and friends. I feel by doing this it can be "swept" under the carpet, almost as if it never happened. I have always been a little bit over weight and i was already on a diet when the attack took place. Since then, without me realising how quickly things had developed i have been skipping meals and almost starving myself to try and gain some sort of control..there are days when i binge out and i find myself making myself sick for a long time afterwards. i am becoming unwell with this but the more unwell i become the more i do it?? It is effecting all aspects of my life with my family friends and close relationships. I constantly make excuses to skip dinners out which i then beat myself up over as i feel that i have let them down. I turn down family meals and i have also been taking things that i shouldnt to keep me awake at night so that i dont have to close my eyes and have flashbacks or nightmares. I am still adamant that I do not wish to discuss whats happened as i have had two very abusive (more emotional than physical) relationships which have left me feeling that this is just what life deals me. My ex also wished i would die of cancer which stupidly i have resigned my life to end this way? I am sure that certain friends and my parents are suspecting something isnt right but i have 2 children who i worry about if anything bad were to happen to me. If i confided in anyone it would just cause upset to everyone, cause people to not get close to me and i am so worried that if i talk to gp etc then social services will be involved again (they were involved due to ex partners abuse). i want to start being me again but the more control over the eating the better i feel. Ive noticed my behaviour has also become quite aggressive and im acting in a "hard cocky" waywhich most of the time comes across as rude and obnoxious. There is so much more to my story but i would be here all night. has anyone or is anyone going through the same as me? xxx lizzie