User talk:Londralondris/sandbox

When writing my article, I am going to include the following: The meaning of the Rite of Passage (Childbirth), what individuals and cultures participate in the Rite of passage, the purpose of the Rite of passage, the process, the materials needed in order to perform it, and the historical (beginning)/ spiritual background to the event. I believe that adding the following would be extremely useful; this is because this is the beginning of this article, and I believe that it would be significant and useful to the readers that search this topic. It will include a lot of the historical meanings, and it will have a strong foundation of what the topic is about, and it would be helpful when others contribute to this article because it will make it stronger. This would also be a great time to link books and journals that relate to this topic- these could possibly be linked. I might even add a picture.

Bibliography:

Davis-Floyd, Robbie E. Birth as an American Rite of Passage: Second Edition, With a New Preface. 2nd ed., University of California Press, 2003, www.jstor.org/stable/10.1525/j.ctt1pndwn.

http://www.birthingsanctuary.com/blog/item/ritual-and-ceremony-honouring-birth-as-a-rite-of-passage.html

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/270571428_Birth_A_Rite_of_Passage

http://www.jstor.org/stable/10.1525/j.ctt1pndwn

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/312042605_Birth_A_Write_of_Passage_Process

Rough Draft:

Rite of Passage: Arnold van Gennep was the first individual in the 1960s to discuss the three-stage process that an individual takes when experiencing the Rite of Passage. The three stages are the following: Separation, Limen, and Aggregation. The stages are often connected to the trimesters that the women experience throughout their pregnancy. It has been stated that separation often occurs throughout the first trimester, limen often occurs during the second trimester, and aggregation often occurs throughout the third trimester. The Rite of Passage is demonstrated to be an experience where an individual is going through the process of ending one phase of their life, which then proceeds to them entering a new phase in their life. The Rite of Passage can be related to many different life experiences; one of them being birth. The Rite of Passage is also known to honor the following experiences: Beginnings, Initiations, Partnering, and Deaths.

Pregnancy is a Right of Passage that is acknowledged as such by the mother. The process of Childbirth is where a mother delivers her newborn child. The mother is not alone throughout this process because her child is also joining her throughout this journey. Additionally, the end of the nine-month phase that the child spends in its mother's uterus is considered to be the ending of one phase. However, the child will then enter a new phase, which is considered to be the beginning of the child's life. The soon to be mother will also be transitioning with the child. She will be preparing for the beginning of her motherhood stage, which is viewed as the next phase in the individual's life. Soon to be mothers often create A Write of Passage Process Journal. This journal is often used as a reflection journal throughout the process, and it strengthens the Rite of Passage process for the soon to be mothers due to it assisting the individual through the transition of being an individual to becoming a mother.

When both transitions are completed, the mother and the child are then celebrated and welcomed by relatives and other individuals. There are often rituals and ceremonies that occur in order to honor the Rite of Passage of childbirth; it also recognizes the process of one phase coming to an end in their life and the beginning of a new phase in their life. The materials used throughout the celebration are candles, music instruments, often individuals share a few words or songs, and individuals often dance or have body work completed to show respect and to bring awareness of this new life. In Africa, they have a Birth and Naming Ceremony where individuals welcome the newborn child into the world; A newborn child is not recognized until this ceremony is completed. The ceremony usually occurs three days after the child is born because the community wants to know that the child is strong in health and will continue to live a healthy life. The whole community is involved in the Birth and Naming Ceremony due to the child belonging to everyone who is in that community, and they believe that it is the most proper welcoming in their society.

Peer Review This is a good start! You don’t go very in-depth, which makes sense since it is such a huge topic. I think that what you have said so far can be expanded. If you can find more sources on the topic it would definitely help. The sources that you have so far look good. Making the notability of the topic clear at the beginning seems like it could be kind of tricky. I suggest talking about how childbirth as a rite of passage has been widely studied and that many researchers have published works on the topic. I like that you discussed what rite of passage is. I think that it is good idea to discuss it briefly at the beginning of the article before you tie it in with childbirth. Though, of course the discussion of childbirth should be more extensive. What you have so far is an overview of childbirth as a rite of passage. Are you planning on going more in-depth about what it looks like in specific cultures? I think that if you give a couple examples from published research it will increase the credibility of the article. I have a question about a certain section of the article in particular: “Throughout the experience of pregnancy, it is known that the mother is taking part in the right of passage.” Since this is a statement, it needs to have a citation. I am also thinking that this could be worded differently. Maybe something like “pregnancy is a rite of passage that is acknowledged as such by the mother,” or “anthropologists have found that mothers are situated within a rite of passage throughout their pregnancy.” I am hesitant about this only because I do not think many people conceptualize birth as a rite of passage. I certainly didn’t before taking this class! My biggest suggestion here would be to make sure that you cite all of the claims in the article. I hope this is helpful for you! Mpraml (talk) 18:15, 10 April 2017 (UTC)

Peer Review I really enjoyed reading this piece. Although short, it does give a brief introduction to what this specific childbirth aspect is in the world of rites of passage. I agree with the person above saying that the sources are good, but it would be helpful to have more sources that can give you more credibility. I clicked on two of the sources to look over them briefly and they did not work on my server, it said page not found. I'm including two sources that may help somewhat if you were to include different examples of Childbirth seen throughout the world: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/psyched-in-san-francisco/motherhood-as-a-rite-of-p_b_8701204.html http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/springer/ijc/2016/00000006/00000001/art00006 http://karamariaananda.com/blog/ecological-birthing [This one is a blog, but it might just help to see like examples and such to include as an external link?]

Just a brief summary, I would look more into including just small examples of what childbirth itself looks like in different parts of the world so that the audience can have a broad perspective of this concept. Arue Jacobo (talk) 02:29, 12 April 2017 (UTC)

Input
Hi !

I'm going to give you some feedback on the article. First things first, which is your most recent draft? Is it the one on this talk page or at Londralondris/sandbox? I just need to know so I can give more specific advice, but I'm going to assume that it's the one on the main page.

An important thing I need to stress, however, is that you should never move an article back into the mainspace if it's been returned to your userspace by an admin. It's much better to discuss the move with the admin and/or the other people who did this, as this is typically done because they don't feel that the page is ready and would be at risk of deletion if it was left live. On a positive note, that they moved it likely means that they feel that the article topic has some encyclopedic merit but just needs to be improved to fit Wikipedia's guidelines.

One thing I noticed immediately is that this doesn't have a lead section to explain what the article is about. I've put together a very basic for you so you can see what I mean by this, however you will need to flesh it out. While I was putting this together I also noticed that you used a source from ResearchGate, however VisualEditor did not cite the source properly. This can sometimes happen depending on the website, so in these situations you'll have to enter the citation manually. I did this for the example lead paragraph. All you have to do with this is go for the manual section, select the type of source you're using, and then fill in the requested information.

While I was doing this, I noticed that you used sources by the same author that were published by the same journal, the International Journal of Childbirth Education. This doesn't mean that the sources are necessarily bad but this doesn't really show that there has been an expansive amount of coverage of van Gennep's work if the same author (George Jacinto) has been the primary person who has written about this idea.

I'll take a look at the article and give some further suggestions in a moment. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 13:43, 19 April 2017 (UTC)
 * Another note - you have quite a bit of information about the general rite of passage, but since it looks like you're interested in covering pregnancy specifically, I'd recommend that you keep the mention of general rite of passage to a one sentence mention that links to the main article on the topic. The article doesn't have to cover every aspect of this or have too much detail about the general overall concept per se, as we can always link to the main article on the topic.
 * I would also recommend that you find a source to replace this link. The reason for this is that this is a link to an organization that sells services to customers. Avoid using anything that could be considered an e-commerce or business organization, as use of their work can sometimes be seen as promotional. Another issue with using sites like this is that we can't really guarantee how much editorial oversight they put into their work, as most organizations do not usually give information about their editorial staff or even if they have one. Basically, we don't know what information they may have changed in order to suit their needs, especially as at least one of those needs is to get customers. I've altered the claim that this link backed up and found a better source, one that was issued by the Pontificia Università Gregoriana. While academic-type sources aren't the end all and be all of sourcing, it's usually safer to go with these because they almost always have a strong editorial staff that puts the work through a vigorous vetting process. Something like this would also be a good thing to look into, since it was published by NYU Press.
 * Finally, one last thing I can mention - be cautious about creating original research. By this I mean that you take a source and draw your own conclusion from what it says, whether or not the source explicitly makes that point. This is one of the biggest differences between an academic paper and an encyclopedic article, as you can (and should) create original research for academic papers while encyclopedia articles can only contain conclusions that have been previously and explicitly stated by a reliable source. You don't seem to have too much of this in your article, but it's something to be careful of.
 * I do think that this is a good topic and I would actually recommend that you expand this slightly and make this into a page about the author's overall concept of Rite of Passage, as many of the sourcing I found discussed this in a very general tone. I know that your course is about reproduction, but a way that you could still have this cover the class topic is that you create a general article about the author's work (ie, an article about the book he published by the same name). In this article you would cover the book's general idea of a rite of passage per ven Gennep, but then also have a subsection where you add material about how this specifically applies to pregnancy. Let me know what you think by posting {{u|Shalor (Wiki Ed) with your reply. I think that you have a very good, very rich idea here that can be worked on, so definitely kudos to you for choosing this. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:12, 19 April 2017 (UTC)

Thank you so much for this feedback, it was definitely useful. I will be making changes tonight and the next few days. I would really like it if I could do a better job in order to get this approved for wikipedia. Also, I am sorry for the confusion. A lot of the other editos continued to move/delete information, and I just really got confused throughout the whole situation. Thank you again! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Londralondris (talk • contribs) 19:43, 19 April 2017 (UTC)