User talk:LorenzoEdits/sandbox

Peer Review: Levi
I think this is looking great. There are issues you can punch up though (easily too). For instance "During her time at AU, Marrs was introduced to comic strip artist Tex Blaisell whom she met through his daughter." This is wordy and confused me. But like honestly you might just need to change "whom she met through" to "by." And here "During this time, Marrs began assisting Blaisell, working on comics such as Little Orphan Annie, Prince Valiant, and Hi and Lois." this is incorrect because it doesn't work with what is in the commas taken out and there's something weird about "Marrs began assisting Blaisell, working." Sentence two and three begin "during" and two, three, and four all also begin with an aside about time. And I don't know if it's necessarily wrong but it feels wrong in some way.

Joseph's Peer Review
Hello LorenzoEdits,

First off, great job including so many citations. This really helps to show that the statements are backed up with sources and allows the reader to pursue further research of their own. I agree with Levi when it comes to the wording of this sentence: "During her time at AU, Marrs was introduced to comic strip artist Tex Blaisell whom she met through his daughter." When reading the article, I had to reread that one sentence to better understand it. Perhaps the structure could be changed. Elsewhere, I found the sentences to be easy to understand myself. Finally, maybe include a style section where you describe the style of this artist's work.

Great work thus far!

- Joseph Cadden

Cadden Communications (talk) 20:57, 11 November 2018 (UTC)