User talk:Lpaez23/sandbox

Peer Review comments from Sean LanceGreen15 (talk) 19:44, 17 November 2020 (UTC)
Convert in-text citations to wiki style citations. You can add the citations by clicking the "cite" button and entering in the required info. Also, citations go at the end of sentences only.

The writing style reads more like an academic paper than a wiki article. From what I understand from the trainings, wiki articles typically aggregate and summarize sources rather than making use of many direct quotes.

The beginning of paragraph 3 of "The development of social stereotypes and Darwinian Theory" presents a clear opinion. I agree with you. However, that goes against the purely informational tone of wiki articles.

The use of the terms "MD women" and "MD men" is confusing. I would summarize that quote.

Several sentences throughout are wordy, overlong, or hard to read.

Examples "There are different expectations for men and women that ultimately lead to the development of stereotypes". I would revise to something like, "Different expectations for men and women lead to stereotype development"

"Women have stronger facial expressions because of the fact that they are move free to feel they are expected to be emotional so for them it’s normal for them to express their emotions". I got tripped up reading this one. I might change it to something like, "Greater emotional freedom for women leads to stronger facial expressions". (with a citation from this source where you read that).

"While women carry the responsibility of being happy, cheerful and emotional men carry the responsibility of having to be cold, competitive and aggressive". This should be 2 sentences. "While women carry the responsibility of being happy, cheerful, and emotional. Men carry the responsibility of having to be cold, competitive and aggressive".

"Men are often portrayed the opposite of women, they are expected to be cold and aggressive". This is a comma splice. Replace the comma with a period or semicolon.

"Women aren’t expected to be hostile and aggressive however this common persecution isn’t exactly true". The sentence after this says essentially the same thing. I would consider deleting one of them.

In many cases, I think it make more sense in this context to refer to men and women as the object of the sentence rather than the subject. That way you can avoid 'to be' verbs and other wordy constructions. For example, I think "Darwinian Theory expects sensitivity from women and aggression from men", reads easier than "Women are known for being emotional and sensitive while men are known for being aggressive and competitive".

Peer Review comments from Sunny Patel, 18:44, 21 November 2020 (UTC)

 * As Sean had said, make sure you cite using the cite tool Wikipedia provides you. Just like on cite and enter the link of the site you're using. The wiki will automatically fill in the rest for you.


 * Make sure you don't use too many quotes. Usually, Wikis have little to no quotes. You should try paraphrasing as much as you can.


 * When you say "Women are the ones biologically capable of producing children which made them the caregivers. They are labeled as the caregivers because women are able to communicate efficiently. They develop this skill because their emotions help “communicate about survival-related approach withdrawal processes”(108, Brody). This essentially means that emotions work as a signal that lets people know how to react in a certain situation." I feel like this can be shortened down to, Since women are equipped to produce children this makes them the caregivers. Through raising a child, women learn that emotions work as a signal that lets people know how to react in a certain situation.


 * I would also remove the term "So" when you state "So since women are left with children they “should be more sensitive to nonverbal cues” since “nonverbal sensitivity is adaptive for child-rearing”. It sounds a bit unprofessional. Just Change to "Since".


 * When you say "Ultimately these old fashion ideals have led society to continue to adapt them and dictate the proper way a woman and men should act." it sounds biased. I think you should rephrase it to "Old fashion ideals have led society to continue to adapt them and dictate the proper way a woman and men should act."


 * "They’ve been passed down from generation to generation." could be expanded to "The ideals have been passed down from each generation, never-ending the cycle."


 * "The goal for children is to essentially please or satisfy societal expectations " could be reduced to "The goal for children is...". Also, the phrase please or satisfy are synonymous with one another. I suggest deleting "please".


 * "Children simply learn by observing and trying to “live up to society’s predetermined gender ideals and stereotypes”(19,Rudman)." could be rephrased to "Children learn by copying gender stereotypes."


 * When you refer to the study, what is meant by MD men and women? Even though it seems obvious I would still provide a little context.


 * Overall, I would recommend making the page more simplified. You bring up great points, but sometimes they are dragged on. I also recommend citing your sources properly, and to not use any quotes. Just paraphrase your findings

--Spatel137 (talk) 00:39, 22 November 2020 (UTC)Sunny Patel