User talk:Lseaveratnif

I am Lynda Seaver, the media liaison for the National Ignition Facility (NIF) at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in Livermore, California. NIF is the world's first inertial confinement fusion laser expected to achieve the long-sought goal of fusion ignition, within the next year. As NIF moves closer to that goal there are several significant shots that will take place and I'd like to post the results on the NIF Wikipedia page.

I am fairly new to the Wikipedia editing process but I have worked to establish myself as a trusted editor. I'm taking this time to introduce myself in the interest of full disclosure. Lseaveratnif (talk) 19:02, 29 March 2012 (UTC)Lseaveratnif

Welcome
Welcome ... but there are some problems.

First, one pointer: you added your query to me in the wrong place: it goes not in my August archives, but at the end of my regular talk page. I move things to the archives later myself. I would not have seen it at all, had I not checked your list of contributions.

I am one of the admins who work most frequently on bios of academics and related professions, including technical executives. As a reviewing administrator, I unfortunately had to immediately delete the page you wrote on Parney Albright, because it was a direct copy from his page on the Livermore web site. As this is a copyrighted site, if you wish to use it you must explicitly license the rights to the material according to our licensing, using the CC-BY-SA and the GNU  licenses, as explained in WP:COPYRIGHT and WP:Donating copyrighted materials; be aware that these licenses  give everyone in the world an irrevocable license to reuse and alter the material, even for commercial purposes.   I understand you can probably get permission for this, but I very strongly urge that you do not do this, because the material is unsuitable here -- to the extent that I would have immediately deleted it as purely promotional. (And even were it a direct US government publication & therefore public domain, I would have done justthe same) Here's why: A Wikipedia article needs to be written like an encyclopedia article, not a press release--don't praise the organization or person, say what they  have accomplished. Include only material that would be of interest to a general reader coming across the mention of the subject and wanting the sort of information that would be found in an encyclopedia. Do not include material that would be of interest only to those associated with the subject==Promotional content Promotional writing thinks  in terms of what the subject wishes to communicate to the public, but encyclopedic writing   thinks in terms of what the public might wish to know. An encyclopedic must be written concisely. Press releases are not; an encyclopedia avoids administrative or education jargon--press releases often contain little else.

Promotional writing uses adjectives praising the subject, as this bio does throughout. Encyclopedias don't do that. We give the facts only--the reader must draw the conclusions. The only tributes that can be included are those from reliable authoritative published 3rd party sources outside the laboratory, which must be quoted and exactly referenced.

We avoid vague statements, such as "Under his leadership, major new national efforts were created in radiological and nuclear security; biological, chemical, and explosives defense; border security, trade and travel facilitation; aviation and other aspects of transportation security; national incident emergency response and consequence management; and critical infrastructure protection." To include something about this, you would need a 3rd party external source describing the specific factual improvements. Similarly, "where he developed and managed several multi-million dollar programs associated with special operations, intelligence collection, molecular biology, communications, and maritime operations. " is unusably vague-- just which projects did he develop and manage. Son't be nonspecific as in : " helped guide the Lab’s efforts to ..." -- if he was in charge of them, say so. A particularly vague statement that caught my eye, is "led the efforts of the three laboratories to reduce barriers that impede their ability to apply their capabilities in the service of a broader set of sponsors."-- there isn't the least indication to what this might be referring to. (Given some of his positions, it is possible that some of the specific accomplishments cannot really be openly specified. In such a case, you must simply list the positions.)

Here's how to rewrite it:
 * 1) Use the right title for the article. It's his name, not his nickname., without the middle initial unless there are others of the same name here, which I rather doubt. Use that formal name in all references to him elsewhere, also.
 * 2) Start with his  basic biography: where and when was he born (at least the year is needed), what high school did he attend. when did he graduate. What are the years of his degrees. What was the topic of his doctoral thesis? Under whose direction was it done? Give a reference to it.
 * 3) Then list his positions in chronological order, including the years--not in outline form, but in paragraphs. Say what he did, avoiding generalities and especially avoiding adjectives of praise.  Don't say he "successfully"  developed things -- the reader will assume he is successful, considering his further career. If you oinclide the names of the organizations, link to the WP articles on them if available, or else describe in a few words what the organization does. Do not use unexplained abbreviations.
 * 4) Don't include references where he was merely mentioned, such as the Scientific American article. The basic facts of his career can be sourced from his official CV, such as the page you copied from--it's assumed accurate unless there is reason to think otherwise.
 * 5) Include a list of his most important publications. A good list could be compiled from even just Google Scholar . These are what show he is notable. Give them in full formal bibliographic format
 * 6) Give the references in our WP:CITE format -- it is not required, but it's clearer than the way you did it.
 * 7) If he holds awards, list them, along with a reference to each.
 * 8) a picture is always appropriate. If you add one, add it with the appropriate licensing, as specified above. Follow out all the formalities

Then resubmit the article. It won't be deleted, and if you notify me on my talk page, I'll make whatever adjustments are needed.

Now, a few other pointers. It is good that you identified yourself. But remember that you do not own the articles--anyone can edit, and they will do so. If something is said that needs correction but is conceivably controversial. , it might be wise to point it out on the article talk page, and let others change it. You might want to check the other articles you have written in view of what I said above. In the main article on the Lab, consider shortening the section on corporate management, and you certainly should update the budget. A table showing the growth of the budget over the years would be appropriate. For the National Ignition Facility, your changes mostly seem very appropriate. However, remember to avoid making uncited judgements, no matte how true they are. You cannot say "This record shot is an important milestone in NIF’s mission to reach the long-sought goal of fusion ignition, the point at which a nuclear fusion reaction becomes self-sustaining." unless you have a reference. And the paragraph you removed beginning "The public fighting ..." should be restored. It's important history. One thing you should never do is remove negative criticism. If you think it needs to be removed, discuss it on the talk p. I'll be glad to help you further as needed.  DGG ( talk ) 00:15, 15 August 2012 (UTC)

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