User talk:Luubie7/sandbox

Franco's Peer Review
The Overview section is not properly constructed and off-topic. The main topic of your article is “Hydrothermal Vent Microbial Communities”, but you spent most (if not all) of the overview talking about what hydrothermal vents are instead of discussing the microbial communities themselves. The overview section should be a summary of the main points within the article and should contain more content about the topic. My suggestion is make your first sentence “A hydrothermal vent microbial community is an ecosystem residing within or near hydrothermal vents of the deep ocean surface…” and go off from there. What your group currently has in the section is not totally useless, but it doesn’t appear to belong as the introduction to the entire article.

Environmental Properties - Fix grammar in first paragraph “The these…”. The following sentences: “As one dives deeper into the ocean, one can often feel changes brought about by pressure.” and "The feeling is due to the the force of water pushing down on you." These sentences should be refined to avoid the use of pronouns (don’t use “you” or “one”). You abbreviated “35 ppt” without specifying what it means. Parts per thousand; trillion? Usually "ppt" specifies trillion, but I wouldn't know that by reading it. “Hydrothermal Vent” does not have to be capitalized in the sentence “There is no light in the Hydrothermal Vent environment…” Also, some of the content you presented appears to have missing citations. The section could use one or two more sources to keep a neutral viewpoint. A chunk of what you have written in the overview could be put into this section instead.

Microbial Biogeochemistry - The Introduction is well written, but only one source is cited. Try to find some sources to support the claims made in this subsection or indicate a citation is needed. In the rTCA subsection, don’t use the word “essentially”. You could say “is similar to” as a comparative adjective instead. Overall, there is a lot of content in this entire section, but I like the choice to put each separate process as their own subsection. This keeps the information organized, and easily editable for other users in the future. I also like how you provided examples of different microbial species that perform a certain process. This keeps the content on topic. I do think the entire section could be reworded to be a little more concise, but that is natural for a draft.

Diversity - Personally, I like the work that went into this entire section. Each subsection has some good content, which are backed up by adequate sources. Like the Microbial Biogeochemistry section, I like the choice of creating different sections for organisation. Maybe there is room for captioned images to add visual presentation.

Overall, the article is still a work in progress but the material you have is a good start. My personal suggestion is try to be a little more concise. Since your group is creating a new article, it is important to make sure your content stays on topic by keeping the relationship with hydrothermal vents and microbes very clear. Also add a reference header for your reference list by putting  above   in the source code.

Juan Prieto (talk) 02:18, 24 October 2018 (UTC)

Ryan Gan's Peer Review
Great Wikipedia article so far! Really enjoyed the amount of detail included in the writing especially the specific chemical reactions taking place. By reading the existing wikipedia page on hydrothermal vents they have included a broader overview of symbiotic relationships so it's good that you focused on the more detailed chemical reactions taking place between organisms. I think this point can be expanded upon, since the existing wikipedia page goes into great detail the ecosystem effects, so by focussing on the more chemical and physical aspects will allow you to effectively contribute to the existing article. As a suggestion, I believe that you can combine some sections under one header that is more broad such as "metabolic functions" or "oxidizing/reducing pathways"or "nutrient cycling" instead of having a very specific header and having only about 2 sentences in it. This will add more information and detail under 1 specific header as opposed to "stretching" it out and will certainly look better. Another point to note is that the existing article already mentions temperature and similar topics in your introduction and "Environmental Properties" header. All-in-all great first draft on the article!

Ashley's Peer Review
Overall - I'm very impressed with the amount of content already up. I see there already is an pretty extensive Hydrothermal Vent page already up so maybe link to that as well as linking as much else as you can since you are mentioning so many processes and organisms. Keep an editor's eye on sentence structure, grammar, and clarity.

Intro - nice picture! Brief caption for the figure would be nice. "The increasing pressure and temperature forces the water back out of these openings, on the way out, the water accumulates dissolved minerals and chemicals from the rocks that it encounters." Needs rewording. Read through this section carefully - several sentences have small grammar problems that could use rewording or the removal of a word here and there. You mention a few things but don't discuss (like chemosynthesis) - maybe try to link these to another page.

Environmental Properties - Like above: read through this section carefully - several sentences have small grammar problems that could use rewording or the removal of a word here and there. Could use more detail.

Microbial Biogeochemistry - nice picture! Need more sources - each section only has about 1 source. Maybe add short explanation for image. I would suggest linking as much as you can in this section since so much is mentioned (e.g. mixotrophs, Krebs cycle). Great sections, maybe need more detail in a few sections.

Diversity - Need more sources - 1 source was used for the majority of the information in this section. Otherwise, great detail. Love all the links in the methane oxidizing and ecology sections! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aeking104 (talk • contribs) 01:39, 24 October 2018 (UTC)

Lead

 * There is already a page on hydrothermal vents. Consider linking to this page instead of describing the vents themselves, but keep the parts toward the end which talk about bacteria/other organisms.

Environmental Properties

 * Add some links to other Wiki articles for phrases like “thermocline”
 * Rephrase to avoid saying “one can” and “one would.” Something like “organisms in the deep ocean often feel high pressure due to hydrostatic pressure effects” might work better.
 * Grammar
 * Small issue, but maybe say something other than “plants” when talking about photosynthesis—there are organisms which are not technically plants that can do photosynthesis in the ocean.
 * “The energy” doesn’t sound precise enough. Maybe “A majority of organisms’ energy comes from…”
 * I really like this set-up of the conditions of hydrothermal vents! It only talks about things that will directly affect the biota in HV communities, instead of talking too generally about HVs.

Introduction

 * Grammar
 * This is a good lead to get the reader ready and thinking about what processes microbes are part of

Carbon Cycling

 * Linking to other Wiki articles like “oxidation” would be helpful here for readers without much knowledge on alternative sources of energy
 * Small thing, but I don’t think bicarbonate is a carbon dioxide species… in oceanography at least bicarbonate is treated as a different class of chemical when talking about ocean chemistry

Carbon Fixation

 * This should be part of the larger “Carbon Cycling” section I think. It’s still just talking about carbon cycling, but about the different forms.
 * Link to Wiki articles for the different groups of microbes (if there are any)
 * Make sure in each pathway to describe kinds of microbes which use those pathways

Bacteria

 * Link to other wiki articles
 * This section is very well written, and covers everything I would expect and hope it to.

Ecology
Overall, well-written, though some sections could use some work. Definitely headed in the right direction! ElizabethAS96 (talk) 04:37, 24 October 2018 (UTC)
 * This section is really good! Proper citations, links to other articles, and good information that’s well-conveyed.
 * Other key species, this section should be expanded a bit I think.

Harjots peer review
Overall the article has a lot of information included which is good for the draft. At a first glance i noticed that many of the sub sections use the same sources which may only give one point of view for that section. I would suggest possibly adding in more sources or looking into some other sources for information. The layout and structure look good as well.

Lead - It would be a good idea to link to the wikipedia page about 'Hydrothermal Vents'. The lead mainly talks about what a hydrothermal vent is however the reader could go instead go to the hydrothermal vents wiki page. I would suggest adding more information about the microbes in hydrothermal vents instead so the reader will know exactly this wiki page is about.

Environmental Properties - The information included is clear and gets to the point. Possibly include more links to external wiki pages ie 'Thermocline' and 'Photosynthesis'

Microbial Biochemistry - Intro is good however think about adding more sources or looking into more sources. Again more external links to other wiki pages should be included for the reader to view. Include a caption for the picture and where you got it from.

Diversity - This section does have external link but the top subheading should include some links as well. Possibly include reaction schemes for the reactions that occur which would make it easier for the reader to visualize what is occurring.

Hgill9 (talk) 16:20, 24 October 2018 (UTC)

Alexis Llewellyn's Peer Review
Overall: This page does a good job of including a lot of information, however I felt as though I was reading a paper, rather than a wikipedia page. Some more structure needs to be implemented, and overall can flow better. There is a LOT of information here, so it should be reviewed for redundancy. I believe the headings and sub headings can be changed around a bit (see below for specifics). Pay attention to length and specifics - more important sections should be longer, and vice versa, which is something to keep in mind. Lead: - a bit off topic at times - should mention more about the actual microbial communities in these vents, and thus puts too much weight on the vents themselves - perhaps you could add a section after the lead describing hydrothermal vents specifically, and thus make the lead a little more centred around defining and explaining hydrothermal vents - the lead should represent the most important information (like an abstract in a paper), so this should be changed accordingly - where are the sources in the first part lead section? (can use hyperlinks here, for example) - add in a figure caption

Environmental Properties: - proof read!!! Lots of spelling and grammatical errors that need to be fixed. - avoid using "one"... not only is this not correctly worded, but by removing it, you can ensure neutral content. For example, instead of "As one dives deeper into the ocean, one can often feel changes brought about by pressure", you could possibly say "Changes, brought about by pressure, can be felt when decreasing in ocean depth".

Microbial Biogeochemistry: - figure caption as well - image source: are you allowed to use these images - Some sub-headings, specifically the ones pertaining to carbon cycling can also be combined in order to make the sections less intimidating - overall should be edited to be more concise

Diversity/Viruses: - These section can be worded differently and/or combined: perhaps into "distribution" or "microbial communities" - In the viruses section, which is yet to be written, you should perhaps compare and contrast bacteria (this could also be done under this combined heading, before you go into the distinctions specifically).

References: - lots of references and reliable sources - could use more hyperlinks to also shorten this list - some sections need more references throughout, as there is a presence of unsourced statements

Alexis Llewellyn (talk) 07:26, 26 October 2018 (UTC)

Nick Hsieh's Peer Review
Overall

A great informative page about everything related to hydrothermal vent, but it lacks the focus on your main topic "Hydrothermal Vent Microbial Communities" A great load of information is present, but lacks structure and fluidity. The diction used is quite colloquial. Consider condensing the info in Overview, Environmental Properties, and Introduction under Microbial Biogeochemsitry. It feels like a full of page of notes on hydrothermal vent rather than a Wikipedia page. I love the pictures included, but it is missing the description. A lot of overlaps to the Wikipedia page on Hydrothermal Vent https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrothermal_vent. Be careful not to overlap too much, like using the image from that Wikipedia page under your Introduction of Microbial Biogeochemistry. Consider expanding the page instead?

Overview

Lacks most of the citation; same issue with overlapping with Hydrothermal Vent page. Considered adding to it instead. Grammar and sentence structure need fixing. Condense the info here. Did not italicize the bacteria names, add more linking to some topics introduced.

Environmental Properties

More appriopriate to present this in the Hydrothermal Vent Wikipedia page instead (adding to it). Dictation used here is colloquial. Avoid using "one could".

Microbial Biogeochemistry

Image is used in the Hydrothermal Vent Wiki page already. Overall an informative section with structure and flow. Lacks any linking to other wikipedia. Be consistent with using its chemical name or its chemical formula CO2 vs carbon dioxide for example. Quite a lot of the info overlaps with the Animal-bacterial symbiosis section in Hydrothermal Vent Wiki page. I like organizationand the concise use of citing and sentences.

Diversity

Info here overlaps or too similar to Biological communities and Animal-bacterial symbiosis section in Hydrothermal Vent Wiki page. Organization and structure are the strongest in this section. Keep it up. Liking the citations and linking.