User talk:Lwieck/sandbox

Cassandra's Peer Review

Thanks for sharing your work! As a (former) New Mexican, I was particularly eager to read this article, and I learned a lot. Here are my general thoughts about how you might forge ahead with editing.

Lead

Perhaps mention her pioneering work in dual-language education, too? That seems to have been a very important contribution. →[from Ecs222 (talk) 16:43, 27 November 2018 (UTC)erin - agreed!]

Structure

I'm a bit puzzled by the "Life in detail" section, and I'm not sure that it is helpful from either a structural or content perspective... maybe consider incorporating the few useful bits into earlier sections?

Is there a better place for the "Publications" section? It seems to interrupt the chronological flow.

Can "Late Personal Life" be merged with "Personal Life?"

Balance

Early Life and Education: is this much detail about Otero-Warren's parents necessary, especially given that this section is longer than those about her professional life? Perhaps it would be worth trimming this a little, so that you can ensure that the section focuses primarily on Otero-Warren, and secondarily on those family details that are truly necessary to understanding her life and work. I am also confused by the final sentence in this section: "At this time, Otero-Warren incorporated her step-father's mercantilism influence and the present Anglo-American culture." Are you suggesting she was influencing the governor in a particular way, since they were related, or that she was influenced by her stepfather? Can you clarify both the wording and meaning for the lay reader (I, for one, am confused by "mercantilism influence" and what you mean by the "present Anglo-American culture").

Neutrality

The article maintains a neutral tone in many places. Nevertheless, some phrases are problematic (and I suspect these predate your contributions). For example, the uncited "Even in her old age she was always a financial and amicable support for those around her" is not neutral.

Sources

I know you've talked about the difficulty of finding pertinent primary sources in class, and it does seem like the piece relies pretty heavily on about three secondary sources. Nevertheless, it's important to forge ahead with what you do have - else there would be no article at all - so I applaud your efforts in using what little you have to work with! One question: you've mentioned several of Otero-Warren's own publications... are these the sources that are only available as physical copies at UNM?

--Jaicasn (talk) 18:13, 26 November 2018 (UTC)

Erin's peer review
Lead section [minor edits, to consider - edits in bold] ''She became one of New Mexico's first female government officials when she served as Santa Fe Superintendent of Instruction from 1917 to 1929. Otero-Warren was the first Latina to run for Congress; in 1922, she ran for a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives as the Republican candidate for New Mexico.''

Really good intro! The only thing I would say to cut is: Raised as a wealthy Hispana in rural New Mexico, - it is said with more detail immediately below and it isn't directly related to the following clause.

Early Life and Education maybe add a link to the wikipedia page (I assume there is one?) on Hispanos here: She was born into Hispanic elite (known as Hispanos)

[minors edits for clarity and readability] ''On October 23, 1881, María Adelina Isabel Emilia (Nina) Otero was born on her family’s hacienda “La Constancia,” close to Los Lunas, New Mexico. Her mother, Eloisa Luna Otero Bergere, and father, Manuel B. Otero, were part of the Hispanic elite (known as Hispanos); both of her parents traced their heritage to eleventh-century Spain. Her mother's family were among the first to settle in New Mexico arriving in 1598 during the Oñate settlement. Her father...''

[edit out the other places where things like her mother, Eloisa... appear]

Political work section really great! was wondering if this needs a reference? Otero-Warren believed that she could have an even greater role in advocating for Hispanos, particularly in regards to education, if she held a congressional seat. seems separate from the following reference and sounds speculative so a reference might be helpful.

general comments and questions i think some context about New Mexico would be helpful to understand her family and upbringing? article states she moved to nyc in 1912 likely to care for her mother but that was i think also the year new mexico became a state - not sure if that would have mattered? also is there more information about her mother being a med student at columbia? about possible impact that would have had on her?

are political career and professional life actually separate? it sounds like most of her professional work was political (meaning official, public) ?

could her publications be listed in that section as well as described?

not sure what the life in detail section is - can it be incorporated elsewhere? also, authors like Quinones should include his full name and some detail about who he is since he isn't mentioned elsewhere. this section sounds a bit more like research/analysis but also has a lot of interesting information. maybe just needs some change in tone/style and more references that make clear that this is analysis from something published about her ?

Erin (talk) 16:24, 27 November 2018 (UTC)ecs222