User talk:M.golchuk/sandbox

Melissa, I was very impressed with your article! I thought it was so well organized, explained, and integrated within Wikipedia. While reading it for the peer review, I kept trying to find things that you could improve on, but I really couldn’t find anything. Any term that needed to be defined you had explained, and anything I thought may have a Wikipedia page you had already linked it to. It was a pleasure reading your article and I learned a lot about EDS.

There were a few strengths of your article I wanted to comment on. For starters is your continuous use of examples. Even in the lead section where you explained EDS in terms of the “art gallery” example, I found myself understanding what you were explaining on a deeper level. Considering you can’t exactly put in an image of a lot of the things you were talking about, your use of examples aided in this visualization and deeper understanding.

I also really enjoyed the organization of article. The way it went from the past (with the history) to the present and even to the future with your suggestions for possible research, I found it easy to follow along as your article had a nice logical flow. Another strength was your use of bold and italics to emphasize terms. Furthermore, I enjoyed your table in the History section. It was a precise way of organizing all that information, as if it was in text it would be hard to follow.

In all honestly the only suggestion I have is that I was left wanting more! Perhaps going into more depth in each section would allow for even deeper understanding. Images would also further enhance your work. One I would suggest finding would be of the frontal lobe. Since you mention it numerous times it would be helpful to have a figure that show’s its location in the brain, and maybe even another that shows its parts specifically.

Other than those couple suggestions, excellent work!

-DMR24

After reading your article, I believe I have an extensive understanding of Environmental Dependency Syndrome. I have never heard of the disorder before but I when I completed reading your article, I felt comfortable with knowledge I had attained. I was extremely impressed and thought you truly did an excellent job! However here are some possible suggestions for the future...

I think you could include more hyperlinks in your article. For example, terms such as neurobehavioral disorder, in the overview. As well, more general terms such as cognitive science or involuntary behaviours in the classifications section. Although some readers may have a background of these term, those readers who are not experts in the field may not be able to grasp a general understanding. I think hyperlinks will definitely allow readers to expand their comprehension of the syndrome. As well, I think you could include a hyperlink for people (Dr. Lhermitte) in case readers would like to read a quick biography or any other research he may have conducted. In the Causes section, instead of defining autonomy, you could simply leave it as a hyperlink and start with EDS is a loss of one's autonomy.

Some sentences in the article are a little wordy. Maybe try to turn a lengthy sentences into two separate ones. For example, in the Classifications section you could change "Environmental dependency syndrome is studied as a disorder in the neuroscience and behavioural aspects of cognitive science because it deals with irregular brain functioning results in irregular behaviour."...into "Environmental dependency syndrome is studied as a disorder in several fields such as neuroscience and behavioural aspects of cognitive science. It deals with irregular brain functioning which results in irregular behaviour." I think shorter sentences might allow the reader to follow along easier.

I'm not sure if there's any signs/symptoms of the disorder as an infant that can be identified before the actual 'imitation behaviour' begins; perhaps, if there is any possible signs you could briefly mention this. OR if there isn't you could mention how this could be a possible line of (future) research to look into.

Overall I thought your article was extremely interesting and organized in a fashion that allowed me to grasp a thorough understanding of the topic. I think the table of exemplar environments was very helpful in providing a broad (and easier) understanding of the syndrome for those lacking any previous knowledge. The table also allows you to relate the syndrome to everyday situations, beyond the biological explanation. I also really liked how you organized the several types EDS. I think you provided a sufficient amount of detail, but not too much that they could have stood alone on their own Wikipedia page. The article itself shows you clearly did a lot of research, yet managed to kept it in a simple and readable manner. It seems as though there hasn't been much research and I think you did a great job of emphasizing how there is lack of research to date but providing information of what is known. Once again, I think you did a fantastic job!

Gillian Watson Gk.watson. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Gk.watson. (talk • contribs) 19:18, 3 April 2013 (UTC)

DMR24,

Thank you so much for your evaluation! I'm very happy you enjoyed it and that it was such a pleasure for you to read. I really did try to make it accessible for the average reader so I am glad to hear that is was so easy to follow along with. I'm glad you liked the chart as well. Since I didn't really know an image that best fit this article, I thought the chart would give the reader a break from the long paragraphs and make it easier to understand the results of the experiment. So thanks for mentioning that too. I would have loved to go into greater detail in each section, but because this article is so newly discovered, there is really no other information on EDS unfortunately that I could find.

As for the image of the frontal lobe, thank you for the suggestion. There were images throughout the article that showed lesions to the frontal lobes but I was unable to use them because of the copyright laws. Again, thank you so much for the review, so glad you liked it!

And Gillian,

Thank you for your great review as well! I appreciate your suggestions and went back through the article to make the corrections the best that I could. I edited some of my grammar and spelling mistakes and actually had my younger sister go through it so I knew which terms I needed to link out to other pages. For the terms that do not have a page on Wikipedia yet, I italicized them or tried to define them to my best ability.

As for the autonomy term, I chose to keep the brief explanation so the reader would have at least some detail without having to go to another page. The link is there however if they wanted more detail. The signs and symptoms discussed in children were simply a way of describing the actions of EDS. Like how a child doesn’t really have boundaries when out in public, they will constantly reach out at things and act inappropriately in certain environments. These actions are seen in children up until they develop this 'autonomy' so I wouldn’t really say that this syndrome exists in children, it was just an example and a way to better explain EDS.

Again, thank you both so much the reviews, I’m very happy to have been able to provide more detail on EDS in the world of Wikipedia. — Preceding unsigned comment added by M.golchuk (talk • contribs) 15:43, 10 April 2013 (UTC)