User talk:MCSimps/sandbox

First paragraph: I would not use the term intraterrestrials right away. It sounds scary. Just delete and say "organisms living beneath the ocean floor". Later on you could say she created or coined this term (I think she did - might need to find a reference for that).

-Put C-DEBI after the full name of the project, not before. Is there a website for this project or center?

-Move "Edwards helped organize.." to the beginning of the last sentence.

Can you get the biography side box into your page? Next week Friday I will ask a librarian to come and help us with pictures as well.

Life and Education: - Change second sentence to "Katrina graduated from Columbus Alternative High School and pursued an early career at the Delaware...

- Link to UW-Madison geology or geobiology pages (no need to link to UW-madison home page).

- Put all citations at the end of sentences. In a scientific article it could be done in the middle of a sentence, but here I think the style is better at the end of a sentence.

- Change "UWM" to "Madison". UWM usually refers to the Milwaukee campus.

- Spell out WHOI again. Lay readers won't remember from the first paragraph, and the name indicates what type of institution it is. - "There she established a geomicrobiology lab, WHICH FOCUSED on...

Are you going to incorporate the "Mistress of the Darkworld" title? Maybe you could... I think she liked it or encouraged it. Be sure to include any interesting quotes from her interviews that illuminate her work or her approach to science.

S L Seston (talk) 16:55, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

Thanks for the advice, I will make proper edits accordingly.

I want to eventually incorporate "Mistress of the Darkworld," but I cannot determine if she coined the term or when it popped into being at this time.

--MCSimps (talk) 16:09, 1 November 2016 (UTC)

Just some grammar stuff, in the second paragraph of life and education you have " isotope geochemistry[1] and in" i would put a period after geochemistry and start the next sentence off with her doctorate degree also reiterating the fact she got her degree from Madison. Dont know if youre planning on putting this senence in another part of your article but "explored the how the ocean's crust" could be corrected to explored how the ocean's crust...Good start so far, awesome how you included headers to break apart the information into categories, and how you linked important topics and places in your article to their main wiki pages. The citations so far look good as well. Burbyhe (talk) 17:28, 21 October 2016 (UTC)BurbyheBurbyhe (talk) 17:28, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

In your introduction, "Edwards helped organize the deep biosphere research community, heading the Fe-Oxidizing Microbial Observatory Project on Loihi Seamount, supported by the National Science Foundation (NSF), and serving on several program steering committees involving ocean drilling" this sentence is a bit confusing. If these are separate ideas make sure they are all past tense-heading to headed & serving to served. Also going right into "supported by the NSF" makes it sound like the project was supported by NSF instead of Katrina. In the second paragraph under life and education "earned a master's in..." I would add degree after master's (not sure if the apostrophe is required.) Also if the masters and doctorate where both from UW Madison, i would add something like "it was at the University of Madison where she...insert stuff about the degrees she got. In your last sentence separate living and dead relatives with a comma between the two groups. Burbyhe (talk) 17:03, 28 October 2016 (UTC)