User talk:Maddywright/sandbox

You need an image to provide a visual aspect. Also first you start off with the market and why people like haunted dolls then you and then you shift very quickly on too how there haunted. Focus on one then talk about the other. --Dougsitt (talk) 03:33, 10 April 2019 (UTC)

Maybe you could include some examples of some of the most famous haunted dolls that have been bought? I think I saw this thing that was in Pennsylvania with this livestream of a collection of haunted dolls that the person bought and you could actually follow the livestream. Caranlee (talk) 20:07, 31 March 2019 (UTC)

I would suggest getting maybe another source. You could probably add another source to provide examples, and or develop on the details of these sales (e.g prices, rules, etc) Samwolff450 (talk) 02:18, 1 April 2019 (UTC)

Perhaps, you could expand on the dynamic of the market and how dolls are sold and bought. I think it would also be good to expand on the specific dolls that people have bought but it might be hard due to the lack of sources. --Ghurley1 (talk) 02:36, 1 April 2019 (UTC)

Your section is really interesting! I would just try to find other words for the word "haunted" as I found that you were repeating it a lot.Montananelson (talk) 14:28, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

Try to find a new word or phrase for "haunted dolls". Great job! Sallyfried (talk) 14:29, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

Don't start a sentence with "But..." otherwise this is a really good start. I'd also suggest not using the term haunted doll as much and maybe refer to them as "these types of dolls" or something along those lines. Larainal (talk) 14:34, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

Interesting section. Pictures could be added to enhance your page. Phrases like "more popular than ever" and "trend has become more popular throughout the years" could sound argumentative, unless you cite a source where those phrases are written. Mtatherton18 (talk) 14:35, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

I think you should give an estimated number of haunted dolls. 1oromo (talk) 14:43, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

I would suggest changing the title from "The Market" to something more specific like "The Market for Haunted Dolls". Even though the page has a specific title that lets the reader know what they are looking at, sub-headings should also be specific. Inserting an image to this page would be good since some people might not know ho creepy dolls can be. Charlieaabrams (talk) 14:48, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

Good. I feel like some parts are a little wordy and can be cut or shortened. Some phrases are ambiguous and would benefit from examples. "There are many stories" "there have been multiple reports of strange incidents" "haunted things happening to these people". I think surprisingly low prices is subjective and it would be better to just give the range of market prices. Also this: "see what they want to see, rather than something that might not be there" is wordy and I think not should be removed or changed to "actually" Mlazarus14 (talk) 20:48, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Good job!! I think rather than continuously saying "haunted dolls" you could say "these dolls" or "the dolls." I think you could also restructure some of your sentences to make them less wordy. --Dmastronardi (talk) 18:10, 7 April 2019 (UTC)