User talk:Madeleinemoyer/sandbox

The initial drafting of Madeline’s drafting for each article was really amazing as I was able to see she gathered so many details from her sources, including chartings and statistics that consisted on elaborate explanations. She did a great job explaining her drafting in regards to the wikipedia pages she wants to edit. Her drafting is very specific regarding the areas that she edited, I think drafting could be a bit shorter as some of the content may be covered on the current wikipedia page.I think it is important to ask how much of what I'm covering is already on the website?

Madeline worked really hard in separating the different areas within her sector and area of her drafting from Protective factors and risk factors, resiliency, blended and blended mentoring. I thought the blending mentoring section was particularly interesting as she found lots of research on how technology and face-to-face mentoring enhances the experience and effectiveness to provide career development resources.

I think Madeline did a great job on creating more inferences that are based off of the sources she is using and the idea. She clearly has a deep understanding of how her wikipedia articles have been focusing on mentorship and the history of it, her drafting is was very detailed. After reading both of her area and sector articles, I believe some of the ideas in Madeline's drafting are already covered on the current wikipedia page so perhaps making paragraphs more concise would help that as well as decreasing the amount of words used as she wrote herself in her sandbox next to the titles.

Overall, great job!

- Ami

Hannah's Peer Edit
Before even getting to Madeline's drafting section, it is clear that she has done extensive research in her respective areas and sectors that she has decided to research. She separates her scholarly from non-scholarly sources and pinpoints what she wants to specifically analyze within each section. I like how the broad theme of mentorship is directly related to what she will be doing during her PE experience, but she goes even further into the subcategory of "Resiliency" which I feel is a topic that is often misunderstand and correlates to the experience the high school students Madeline will be working with often undergo.

The first sentence of the "Resiliency" draft is a bit too wordy. The first sentence should be brief and to the point defining what resiliency is. Maybe scrap the first sentence entirely and begin with the second sentence. The rest of the paragraph does a good job connecting resiliency as a broad topic to the specificity of resiliency within the realm of education. I like in the second paragraph how you add components of counseling and guidance. This ties together your sector with your PE.

Your Area section of Berkeley High School is loaded with information sited from sources and articles. This section looks really good and you are on a great track. You do a good job at maintaining a neutral tone while keeping the information clear and fluid throughout your paragraphs.

Great work!

Hako97 (talk) 19:48, 8 November 2018 (UTC)Hannah