User talk:Mag2718/sandbox

Hello, Excellent job on article selection and evaluation. Very specific. I'm excited to see how you update the page from its existing content from 2015. Keep up the good work! -Momo Sumomox4nouchi (talk) 00:02, 8 February 2019 (UTC)sumomox4nouchi

Kimmie's Peer review
Hey Maggie, I really love your research topics and what you intend to add to these articles. I am not quite knowledgeable on these topics, making your drafting and sandbox really interesting to read. The statistics and hard facts make your details very compelling. My main critique would be to add more details and clarify details of your additions. Your draft has very well developed encyclopedic language (such as where you discussed the NWSDS), but there are some parts that remain vague and can seem like biased or not subjective. Please feel free to contact me later on for more peer review or questions about my review!

"Here, distrust between the government and indigenous groups results in a lack of compliance with formal regulations." Perhaps you can clarify what the distrust and lack of compliance looks like?

"Formal institutions that lack the technical skill and capital to build and maintain water systems in indigenous communities can take advantage of informal systems, but the central government does not recognize them." I am a little confused with this line, in regards to what "them" refers to. Does the central government not recognize the formal institutions or the indigenous communities? What technical skill and capital do formal institutions need to maintain water systems? How do they take advantage? How do they get away with taking advantage (such as including their explanation of why they are taking advantage)?

"Blind studies of WASH interventions must also consider ethical implications as well as difficulties associated with implementing new technologies or behavioral changes without participant's knowledge". This sentence sounds like an opinion. You can change this by: quoting the scholarly source with "According to ...." or "This researcher strongly suggests", or you can make it an observation with "Blind studies of WASH intervention lack consideration of ..."

Inequities of WASH — This is a very strong point to bring up, in addition to the compelling evidence. I suggest that you add this under the Challenges section of the W. Article, and perhaps specifically under Failures of WASH. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kimmietran (talk • contribs) 21:32, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Chan's Peer Review
Hi Maggie,

Overall, your sandbox looks great! It was extremely thorough and I learned a lot. Your drafts sounded encyclopedic and I can see that you know a lot about what you're getting into, and you know how to convert the statistics into a more qualitative format. As for the "Inequities of WASH," I feel like it would be appropriate under "Challenges" because it's about more than just technical information and takes societal incomes into consideration. Nice work! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Cgao29 (talk • contribs) 23:39, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Responding to Peer Review
I agree with Morgan's comment from class last week about how working on peer reviewing other people's articles actually helped me recognize subjective/biased language more easily within my own drafting. I now can fully agree with Kimmie's peer review comments about some sentences that I should rewrite to be more neutral-toned. With the first sentence Kimmie commented on, my research has given me the background to expand further on the topic, but I'm not fully sure it's appropriate in regards to the flow of the article, so I may decide to remove this sentence fully from my drafting. With the second sentence, I think there was some misinterpretation of "take advantage of" and "them" as she pointed out, and so I'll plan to rewrite this section to be more clear as well. Both Kimmie and Chan agreed that the sentence I had asked for help in putting into the article should go under the "Challenges" section, which makes sense to me. I'll move this sentence to that section and then I'm hoping to find additional research that will allow me to expand on that topic a bit as well. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Mag2718 (talk • contribs) 01:18, 11 April 2019 (UTC)