User talk:Maggie2023/sandbox

The first sentence could be revised to sound more direct by stating her life began as a tragedy. (maybe use the word Hardship to make it sound more neutral)

Add first sentence to the next two in the paragraph below to start a lead section.

Saying " was a struggle for them to survive" "cruel conditions" "harsh" not neutral; stick to facts

Last sentence needs revised, does not make sense.

To better format add subsections Swaneyms (talk) 20:18, 2 December 2019 (UTC)

Carsons Comments
Clear introduction sentence states that the article is going to be about Margaret Tobien and how her life was a tragedy. Need a clear title probably just Margaret Werner Tobien. May want to beef up the lead section a little bit to give the viewers a better summary of the article. May want to organize a little bit by adding headings, a title, and possibly sub headings. There is no bias the article does not try to persuade only states facts. The content covered in the article is relevant want the main article is about, may want to go into a little more detail for example state what the charges Margarets family were accused from. The articles tone and balance were both neutral. There are no images may want to add a picture of Margaret or one of her parents. All five citations are cited and they are all used in the article correctly, may want to add a couple more facts from your citations to add more info to the article. The article does cover the main topic of the article although you may want to add more subsections.

Lakecl (talk) 19:18, 23 October 2019 (UTC)