User talk:MahjongLover1998/sandbox

History From Intro
Here is the data from the Intro that needs to be moved down to the history section.

 History 

 20th Century 

{Beginning in the early 1900s, Camden was a prosperous industrial city, and remained so throughout the Great Depression and World War II. During the 1950s, Camden manufacturers began gradually closing their factories and moving out of the city. With the loss of manufacturing jobs came a sharp population decline. The growth of the interstate highway system also played a large role in suburbanization, which resulted in white flight. Civil unrest and crime became common in Camden. In 1971, civil unrest reached its peak, with riots breaking out in response to the death of Horacio Jimenez, a Puerto Rican motorist who was killed by two police officers.}

- This paragraph is being moved to the History Section, 3rd paragraph.

- This paragraph may fit better as part of the Crime section if combined with the paragraph below as an introduction to the Crime section. Harleiquill (talk) 18:40, 8 April 2024 (UTC)

21st Century History - Chronological Order
One of the major struggles with this section of the History section is going to be rearranging everything in chronological order. I know you're putting a lot of work into this, and it will read so much better once you have everything in the right order. I would suggest letting me know when you have it sorted properly so I can help more with transitions between the times and events. Several instances are here from the 2014 year, which will need to be further organized by month if possible. I would suggest here that the events should be listed by the day/month that they start as opposed to when they end for the chronological considerations. Harleiquill (talk) 19:04, 8 April 2024 (UTC)

Notability - Demographic vs History
From 2000 to 2014, population and total employment in Camden fell by 3% and 10% respectively, but eds and meds employment grew by 67% <- This is an instance of a historical change in a demographic, which I feel absolutely belongs in this section.

The eds and meds industry itself is the single largest source of jobs in the city: 7,500 (30%) of the roughly 25,000 jobs in the city. The second-largest source of jobs in Camden is the retail trade industry, which provides roughly 3,000 (12%) jobs. '''<- This is a demographic that isn't necessarily historical. Is this the current number? If it is the current 21st Century number, then it should be listed as such with that context added to the sentence.'''

Despite previous failures to transform the Camden Waterfront, in September 2015 Liberty Property Trust and Mayor Dana Redd announced an $830 million plan to rehabilitate the Waterfront. The project, which is the biggest private investment in the city's history, aims to redevelop 26 acres (11 ha) of land south of the Ben Franklin Bridge and includes plans for 1,500,000 square feet (140,000 m2) of commercial space, 211 residences, a 130-room hotel, more than 4,000 parking spaces, a downtown shuttle bus, a new ferry stop, a riverfront park, and two new roads. The project is a modification of a previous $1 billion proposal by Liberty Property Trust, which would have redeveloped 37.2 acres (15.1 ha) and would have included 500,000 square feet (46,000 m2) of commercial space, 1,600 homes, and a 140-room hotel. On March 11, 2016, the New Jersey Economic Development Authority approved the modified plans and officials like Timothy J. Lizura of the NJEDA expressed their enthusiasm: "It's definitely a new day in Camden. For 20 years, we've tried to redevelop that city, and we finally have the traction between a very competent mayor's office, the county police force, all the educational reforms going on, and now the corporate interest. It really is the right ingredient for changing a paradigm which has been a wreck." '''<- This paragraph strikes me as something that might belong more in the Redevelopment section under Economy. It is notable enough to belong in the 21st century history, so perhaps a re-write here to mention the project, the outcome, and the impact it has had since the inception in 2015 might be helpful. It's been nearly a decade since this was started and there doesn't seem to be much information on what happened after. I would suggest moving this specific information to the Redevelopment section and then writing an entire paragraph that outlines more of the historical actions and leave the demographics to the other section.'''

In 2013, the New Jersey Economic Development Authority created the New Jersey Economic Opportunity Act, which provides incentives for companies to relocate to or remain in economically struggling locations in the state. '''<- The paragraph here has some really interesting information in it, but it doesn't tell us what happened since then. This was started a decade ago, and you could likely add a sentence or two here about what this program did.''' Harleiquill (talk) 19:12, 8 April 2024 (UTC)

Interesting Facts
The Camden Invincible mural was completed a while back:

https://whyy.org/articles/an-invincible-mural-gets-a-new-life-in-camden/

This may be an interesting source for a conversation on the important attempts at rebuilding Camden in the 21st Century. Here's a section of that article, which ties this mural into the history of Camden, an attempt at reconstruction, and a notable event from recent history:

The original artwork, installed on the Boulevard in 2017, alludes to a poem written in 1867 by Camden resident Walt Whitman, “I Dream’d in a Dream.”

I dream’d in a dream, I saw a city invincible to the

attacks of the whole of the rest of the earth;

I dream’d that was the new City of Friends;

Nothing was greater there than the quality of robust

love—it led the rest;

It was seen every hour in the actions of the men of

that city,

And in all their looks and words.

'Former Camden Mayor, now Camden Community Partnership Chair Dana Redd said the new iteration makes it clear which city Whitman was talking about. (Lee 2022).' Harleiquill (talk) 16:16, 10 April 2024 (UTC)

21st Century
In 2022, Camden County was funded 116 million towards it education program. (citation needed) This money was for post pandemic relief, (remove the comma here) being put towards after school activities, renovation of building facilities, and the support of staff/students mental health. The U.S. Department of Education (insert wikilink to the DoE) called the program ‘impressive’. (citation needed) (This quote would work best with a name for who said it, what their title and position is within the Department of Education, and when they said this. e.g. was it at the proposal, execution, or after implementation.)

On December 2020, Camden’s first comprehensive Park plan was announced, expected to take up to 30 years to complete. (citation needed) This project was motivated by the 10 minute walk campaign.(citation needed) The plan took over 500 shareholders and community members to create, along with Cooper's Ferry Partnership, Trust for Public Land, Camden City, Camden County and its Municipal Utilities Authority. (citation needed) Since its inception it has been signed off by over a dozen New Jersey mayors as well as Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenny. (citation needed) (While Philadelphia is arguably the largest city in the area, this article is about Camden, NJ - it would be nice to see the names of the NJ mayors who signed off on this, and to note if one of them was the Camden mayor.) The project has been funded $100 million dollars and additional investments are expected to come in 2025. (citation needed)

Multiple Redevelopment Projects have been undertaken by the city. (citation needed, more content needed - when were these projects? If they're worth mentioning, they should perhaps get their own mentions as well. Otherwise, I would suggest removing this sentence and starting with the next one instead.) On June 2021, A 35 million redevelopment of all 307 units in Ablett Village, Camden's oldest complex, was announced to be near completion. (citation needed) The money was received through the CHOICE Neighborhood Implementation grant. The renovated complex will bring a community center, playground, facilities, walking trails, and a community garden. The project was motivated by the statistic that 40% of Ablett Village’s residents are below the federal poverty line. Maria Fudge, The U.S. Secretary of Housing and Urban Development endorsed the execution of the grant, stating that it is potentially life-changing. (citation needed)

On February 2020, Camden City Officials announced that Camden’s Branch Village reconstruction was nearly complete. The $120 million redevelopment of the Clemen T. Branch housing complex will bring 250 new units, being meant for senior citizens and low-income families. (citation needed) (Move this section to after the talk about events in 2018 for chronological order.)

On September 2018, a project was announced to revitalize a 1.5 acre lot on Haddon Ave and Pine Street. BLANK stated their goal to be keeping housing at a market-rate affordable price. (citation needed, was this a press release or a statement by one of their executive board members? Suggest adding a name for this statement if possible.) A 2005 redevelopment plan described the avenue as a “proliferation of vacant lots”. (citation needed) (This section goes back in time instead of maintaining chronological order.) Bert's Pizza notably resides on Block 1471, the scheduled block for redevelopment. (citation needed) Owner Vito Brasile told news that he was unaware of the construction plans and wants his store to stay. (citation needed)

Along with this, in August 2018, Camden County announced plans for restructuring traffic patterns near Block 1471, on Haddon Avenue and Pine St/Mount Ephraim. Officials stated that this $850,00 project could potentially bring a light rail station to the area. (citation needed)

{MEDIA}

On September 2018, it was announced that Campbell's waterfront ballpark would be demolished. (citation needed) The Camden County Improvement Authority would be taking bids for the lot in an effort to increase waterfront tourism. The park was built in 2001. (citation needed) The destruction of the site continues the tradition of building and demolishing properties on competitive waterfront lots. (citation needed) (The items in this paragraph are not in chronological order, this may work better at the top of this section, with the start of the paragraph talking about the park being built in 2001 and the decision to demolish it in 2018 being at the end.)

Arts and Entertainment
As of September 2020, an IDEA center in downtown Camden has been completed. (citation needed) The building provides a space for arts and entertainment, specifically for youth in the community. The center supports artists, painters, dancers, musicians, filmmakers, actors, poets, and more. The Michaels Organization renovated the storefront at no cost. (citation needed) Subaru of America donated facilities and funding. (citation needed) The center is equipped with recording equipment, computers, a stage, and other amenities. The center will regularly host events with community members. Numerous people involved on the project and community members praised the opening, one person stated ‘Camden is finally giving Philly something to look at’. (citation needed) (For neutrality considerations, it may be best to reword this to say "community members commented on the opening" instead of the implied positive message of the comments being praise.)

- Will the current information be remaining on the page? If so, where will it fit into what you have written?

- As I suggested during class, I believe that integrating your facts into this article will work much better if the entire section is written in chronological by the starting date of the item mentioned. (e.g. the Park was built in 2001, list this fact by that year, with the proposed destruction in 2018 coming at the end of the paragraph. This will keep relevant facts together while maintaining the integrity of the chronological order structure.)

- For clarity, I would suggest adding current sections that you plan to keep within your timeline. I would suggest, further, that those items maintain an italicized font so it can be clearly seen what is your writing (normal font) and what is placed within the writing as a placeholder for the information within the article.

Harleiquill (talk) 17:15, 10 April 2024 (UTC)

Knowledge
Despite previous failures to transform the Camden Waterfront, in September 2015 Liberty Property Trust and Mayor Dana Redd announced an $830 million plan to rehabilitate the Waterfront. The project, which is the biggest private investment in the city's history, aims to redevelop 26 acres (11 ha) of land south of the Ben Franklin Bridge and includes plans for 1,500,000 square feet (140,000 m2) of commercial space, 211 residences, a 130-room hotel, more than 4,000 parking spaces, a downtown shuttle bus, a new ferry stop, a riverfront park, and two new roads. The project is a modification of a previous $1 billion proposal by Liberty Property Trust, which would have redeveloped 37.2 acres (15.1 ha) and would have included 500,000 square feet (46,000 m2) of commercial space, 1,600 homes, and a 140-room hotel. On March 11, 2016, the New Jersey Economic Development Authority approved the modified plans and officials like Timothy J. Lizura of the NJEDA expressed their enthusiasm: "It's definitely a new day in Camden. For 20 years, we've tried to redevelop that city, and we finally have the traction between a very competent mayor's office, the county police force, all the educational reforms going on, and now the corporate interest. It really is the right ingredient for changing a paradigm which has been a wreck."

'''This sentence is very interesting because I liked that you talked the businesses in Camden. At the same time, you brought up facts about the Ben Franklin Bridge and Liberty Trust. You have just described their mathematic equations and sizes perfectly. Also, I liked how you mentioned the latter's part in improving Camden all the while.''' Shower$56 (talk) 19:18, 10 April 2024 (UTC)

Notability
It definitely goes without saying that the content you have chosen to write about is highly notable and a great contribution to this project. There are a number of important events included in the history of Camden which are essential to the contextualization of other sections of the page, and a broad overview of Camden’s history actually helps potential editors to identify areas that require further contributions. For example, my own reading of Camden’s history section at the beginning of the semester prompted me to write about the Native Americans of the area, a subject which I found to be severely lacking on the page. On the other hand, a potential editor may see a part of Camden’s history that is in fact on the page but may warrant further expansion. This could even go as far as the creation of new pages stemming from your efforts to develop this particular section. Vincenzo Johnson (talk) 14:35, 24 April 2024 (UTC)

Neutrality of Language
The language of your article has done a good job at adhering to the standard that Wikipedia has set for neutrality. This is paradoxically both difficult and easy when choosing to write about historical events because in theory, historical facts are objective and reporting them must necessarily be done in neutral language. What I have found (and what I wonder if you have found as well) is that even seemingly concrete facts, when presented a certain way, can skew a reader’s view unfairly. The telling of history is essentially the telling of human stories, and when we think of it that way, it is nearly impossible to avoid telling the story without being one-sided in some way. My advice to you would be to review your work and look out for instances of this. Are there aspects of the story that, when omitted, prevent you from painting a full picture? Are there minor facts and details that might be read in an exaggerated manner and mischaracterize the history you are trying to report on? Vincenzo Johnson (talk) 14:36, 24 April 2024 (UTC)

Structure
In terms of structure, your article does a great job at portioning out the different historical time periods that Camden has gone through and presenting them in an easy- to-follow chronological format. The benefit of outlining the information this way is that future editors who are interested in adding to this section of the page will be able to jump to specific periods and add in their contributions without the risk of totally disrupting the structural integrity of the page overall. I have found that the more headings/sub-headings are included in an article, the smoother and more legible they tend to be for readers. As the history section grows even more, I would suggest identifying even more opportunities to break down bulky sections both for the sake of navigation and increased editability. Vincenzo Johnson (talk) 14:37, 24 April 2024 (UTC)