User talk:MalachiteGuy123/sandbox

Peer review comments:

For starters, your citations are not done right. Use the cite button on the toolbar and choose the correct template and it will let you fill in the information and make the right citation for you. Also since the links to the articles aren't supposed to show up the way that you currently have them, you can't write assuming that the person is going to read the other sources. This means that you have to give your paraphrased version and include enough context so that readers can understand regardless. I also don't really know how your draft fits into your article, your draft seems a bit more general than the actual wiki article is calling for. This might just be because you are in the early stages of your draft but I think you should be more in depth about what you are writing especially in that first section for "Notable Historical Instances."

Style-wise, your draft has a different flow than what I think would stick on a wiki page. Your writing would be more appropriately placed in an article that was completely yours and had an intention of getting its readers to think for themselves. The way I understand it, Wiki is more information based so you are just presenting facts and examples which allows readers to draw their own assumptions and make their own comparisons. I also just think you should spend some time considering the structures of some of the things you write. Some sentences are presented in a confusing way and while they make more sense after rereading, I think you should strive for clarity the first time through (just because you don't know that someone will try to reread it instead of just taking it out).

Content-wise, I don't really know what to suggest because once you replace the quotes (whichever you deem unnecessary) with paraphrases this draft will look very different. Some rearranging might also need to be done in the overall wiki after your draft is revised. I think your contribution to the article will be more balanced as the quotes are replaced as well.

All of that being said, I did like the variety of sources that you had and the way you try to show the importance of the topic. Also that initial example you plan to add to the "Notable Historical Instances" is a very nice touch.

SocietySloth (talk) 23:13, 7 October 2018 (UTC)