User talk:Mandychoi1013/sandbox

Catcmckinney Feedback Haiphong Typhoon
You did a really great job about going into details about the typhoon and adding relevant information, the only suggestion I would make is rather minor, but it is to clarify 300,000 what. when you say "Together, Luzon and Haiphong lost an estimated amount of 300,000 due to the typhoon, but casualties likely went up even in the storm's passing due to disease and starvation.[1]" its a bit unclear. I'm pretty sure you mean casualties but it could be money, buildings etc. Other than that all of the information you added really helped with the article. great job.

Catcmckinney (talk) 01:41, 4 November 2016 (UTC)

Eyoo Feedback: Haiphong Typhoon (1881)
Great job on adding in a lot of information about the Haiphong Typhoon. For example, you not only talked about the meteorological history but also mentioned the impact and the aftermath of the typhoon. The sentence structure could be improved by condensing the sentence "The Gulf of Tonkin is known to be a common path for storm from the Philippines to Asian Mainland[2], and Haiphong lies about 10 miles from its coast[1] and also on the Red River in a low elevation area (delta)[3], connected to an access channel." This sentence could end at "from its coast" or you could you rephrase it to make it more concise.

To add onto the article, you could mention in the impact section what effect did Haiphong's downfall of its economy affect other countries nearby or even globally. You could also try to find peer reviewed articles on how the typhoon impacted the ecosystems in Haiphong. How did it affect the resiliency of the ecosystem and how did it affect the society around it? Was it an agricultural city that depended on the ecosystem that was affected by the typhoon?

Eyoo3 (talk) 17:55, 4 October 2016 (UTC)

BCarmichael feedback
Your reasoning is well-stated and connects the topic to a personal account. The contribution is substantial, well integrated with existing content, and really improve the article as a whole. To improve, work on locating reputable scientific sources and style. For example, citing Encyclopedia Britannica is citing another encyclopedia – is there another source that would provide the same information? In the Aftermath section, watch phrasing in the second sentence. “This has not happened since.., but analyses …, but the Vietnamese gov. …” The repetition of “but” makes it clunky. Links included are appropriate. Utilize your classmate’s feedback to work on improvements particularly as it relates to ecological influence. BCarmichael (talk) 20:33, 11 October 2016 (UTC)

Bailey.t feedback: 2003 Bendigo tornado
I feel like you did a great job. You added an abundance of relevant information that I believe will help many people gain a better understanding of this disturbance. I only have a couple of very minor suggestions.

What I would suggest for the first paragraph you added would be to hyperlink “Bureau of Meteorology” and “Wonthaggi” to their respective Wikipedia pages. In the second section, the sentence about what damages the tornado caused reads awkwardly. I would suggest making it two sentences, by putting an “and” before “trees torn up” and making “and power was lost in up to 18000 homes (located in Bendigo, California Gully, Eaglehawk, Epsom, Long Gully and Maiden Gully)” its own sentence. I would also suggest hyperlinking all of the locations in the parentheses.

In the last sentence of the second section I would suggest changing “brought” to “caused” and hyperlinking “flash flooding” to its Wikipedia article.

In the third bullet point of the last section I would suggest adding a comma to $22800 (to make it $22,800) and changing “includes” to “included” to make it past tense. Bailey.t (talk) 21:55, 2 November 2016 (UTC)

mmcca44 feedback: Siaolin Village, Kaohsiung
This is by far the best and most in depth edit/addition to a wikipedia article that I have seen from our class so far. You chose very reliable and informational sources. Your impacts and casualties addition gave the reader more understanding of the societal and environmental effects of the landslide that struck Siaolin Village. Also your hyperlink to Qishan River gave me a better understanding, geographically, of this area and how this landslide effected is surrounding environment.

I think you could add a bit more background info about Typhoon Morakot. This will help the reader understand the intensity of the typhoon itself and how it was able to bring so much rainfall to Siaolin Village.

This sentence, "This mass movement of land resulted in the deaths of more than 400 people and a landslide dam being created in the Qishan River," can be separated into 2 different sentences or reworded. Other than that it was a great addition/edit to this article! Mmcca44 (talk) 04:49, 30 November 2016 (UTC)mmcca44