User talk:Marcbluedragon/new sandbox

Draft Review
Hi Marcbluedragon,

You have a great telling of the rules.

Changes to be made (maybe)

however it would be nice if we could have a visual of the game or more on its history. Not sure what else a party game might need.

TheFoolishThought (talk) 23:29, 28 October 2018 (UTC)

Draft Peer Review
Hi, Marcbluedragon!

I have reviewed your article draft, and while it is a good expansion on the one that exists at present, there are some changes I think you could make that would improve the overall quality of the article.

1) Lacking in an introduction and sections.

I would like to see an introduction that generalizes the concept of this party game. It is hard to decipher specifics without a mode of organization. More sections should be added to enhance the reading experience. "History", "Rules", and other sections would be worth adding. This would both enhance the aesthetics and readability of your article.

2) Sentence structure and transitions.

A few transitions from sentence to sentence are not as smooth or interesting as they could be. For example, in the sentence: "Then the photographs are looked over by the players and the district Attorney reads over the story", a better choice of beginning words would be good to add. "The photographs are then looked over", would make for a smoother transition between that sentence and the one that precedes it.

3) References and information

I would like to see more information, and therefor more references to back said information up. There is a lot of information to be had here!

I look forward to reading the final product.Felixdevries717 (talk) 04:07, 29 October 2018 (UTC)

Draft feedback
Hi, Marc!

You've done a really nice job adding information about this game so far. As you continue expanding this, you may find you want to think about organization...it seems like a section on character roles and a section on gameplay might already have some good material in this draft paragraph. What in here do you see as overview/intro material versus "meat" of the article material? Some questions this new information leads me to that it might be useful to think about/answer/look for information on are: --did it have international or other-language releases in addition to the US release? --the original article mentions this game being a predecessor to modern murder-mystery and rpg's...are you able to find information to flesh this connection out further? --were there additional versions of the game released after the original, or additional game components (like more scenarios or an expansion that brings in a new type of character role)? --were there any mentions or sightings of this game in films or books of the time? Popular culture references?

My only other note is to be careful to cite sources after each statement pulled from a source (rather than just once at the end of the paragraph).

I look forward to seeing what else you add to this and how you organize it! Nicoleccc (talk) 01:43, 30 October 2018 (UTC)