User talk:Markeclartin/sandbox

Hello! I really like that you put in information about more collections than just those pertaining to our class. Very thorough! I was thinking that you could separate the first section so that you could have one section just on Dudley Peter Allen. I would also suggest looking up the way the collections were received if possible. Great job! I can't wait to see the finished product! Ewest19 (talk)

I really like how you have sorted your categories. Talking about the history, collections and memberships were all smart choices. When trying to write my article, I found it very useful to look at similar wikipedia articles that are already established. Perhaps, you could look at The Art Institute of Chicago's article on Wikipedia see if any of their subsections or formatting inspire you. I do not know how much information is out there on the museum but I would suggest finding more than just one source if possible. I think your article would gain a lot by having an intro paragraph. Lastly, proofread over your paragraphs for grammar and punctuation. Check some capitalization-- the "m" in museum doesn't need to be capitalized unless you say "Dittrcik Museum", "patients" does not need an apostrophe, the second sentence in the first section is in the passive voice.. Instead, you could start it as "Dudley Peter Allen, who was a surgeon at the time, was a prominent figure...". Places to add commas: Cleveland, Ohio. Today, In 2015, Like other museums, All and all, you're off to a good start! Keep writing, I think you can develop a very thorough and informational article. You probably will have even more to add after we visit the museum! Beccabeckett (talk) 05:47, 9 March 2017 (UTC)
 * double check though, because there could be some more places.

Good start on this article! It is packed with information, so with some editing I am sure it will be a great finished product. When we go to the museum on our field trip, see if there are any informational pamphlets/brochures/etc. you can get ahold of- these could help expand upon the number of sources you have, and will add new areas of information. Perhaps some of the employees there will be able to guide you to more information, too. Overall, I think the biggest critique I have is regarding grammar and clarity therein. Watch out for run-on sentences; if you break up your thoughts, the article will quickly become easier to read and digest. Maybe stick to one fact per sentence, or something like that. I find that it helps to read one's work out loud so that you can hear where breaths naturally lie (aka where to put in a comma), etc. The only other comment I have is that it would be helpful to have an opening/lead section, instead of jumping straight into the subcategories. I am looking forward to seeing the finished result! Isabelhb (talk) 15:35, 9 March 2017 (UTC)Isabel Bonhomme