User talk:Marleypirochta/sandbox

Hi Marley, Nice work on your evaluation, although I see you still have some decisions to make about which 2 articles you will be choosing for your area and sector. I encourage you to edit whichever and as many articles you please, but let us know which two you will be focusing on for the wikipedia assignments. Thanks, -Momo Sumomox4nouchi (talk) 23:46, 7 February 2019 (UTC)sumomox4nouchi

Peer Review
Alicia's Peer Review

Overall, language is pretty neutral, content is very informative and relevant. The sections are balanced. Maybe the added information can be cited more.

Area

'tech workers with disposable incomes move in to previously low-income, underserved neighbourhoods' (is it supposed to be 'moving into')?

Maybe cite all the specific statistics such as the increase of median price. Sentences are very long, can separate sentences for more clarity.

For example: "It is not yet clear whether the suburbanisation of poverty is due to the relocation of poor populations or shifting income levels in the respective regions, however the mid-2000s housing boom encouraged city dwellers to move into the newly cheap houses in suburbs outside of the city, and these suburban housing developments were then most impacted by the 2008 housing bubble burst." <- break this sentence into two or three shorter sentences!

Sector

Great changes to the article, made a lot of changes that really created a lot more elaboration on the US, such as the first sentence. Good eye for which parts can be deleted — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aliciageng1 (talk • contribs) 01:14, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review 2
Haley's Peer Review

Area

"there remains a significant level of poverty in the region." "Remains" implies there was the same level of poverty before as there is now, after tech people have moved here; change it to a parallel that suggests direct correlation (as the tech industry grows, so does poverty)

"tech workers with disposable incomes" although it's not major, the word disposable has a slightly subjective connotation. If you're paraphrasing people's commentary on the issue, restate to make it more clear that it's an opinion. Maybe start the sentence with "Issues of rising...", or just change "disposable" to "large". Also (grammatically), "move in" should be "moving in".

"median rent had increased to $2,300, or 21% in the span of a year". Delete "had" and change "in the span of" to simply "in one year". Also, I'm definitely not sure how this works, but should it be cited? or does the citation from just before rollover to this one?

"poverty rates in the Bay Area are shifting such that impoverishment is occurring more rapidly..." change to "poverty rates in the Bay Area are increasing more rapidly..."

"fewer people in poverty have easy access to transportation due to lesser developed" change to "people in poverty have decreased access" and change "lesser" to "less".

"respective regions, however the mid-2000s" (I'm sorry for all these grammar edits, my mom is an English teacher and im a narc apparently) break it up with a semi-colon - "regions; however, the mid-2000's".

"The increase in suburban poverty rates is most prevalent for Hispanics and Blacks, as well as for more significantly for native born rather than foreign born people" Start with "Suburban poverty" and change to "Suburban poverty is most prevalent among... and affects native-born people more significantly than foreign-born." Also, do you have concrete stats for this? like how much more?

Sector

This is great! No critiques from me :) Shine on you crazy diamond! Haleykolus (talk) 07:25, 4 April 2019 (UTC)